Mom Shares The Harsh Realities Of Breastfeeding With A Raw Hospital Selfie
While many mothers expect to have their breastfeed their newborn babies, many expect that it will simply come naturally to them after birth. Some, like Remi, learn the hard way that it's neither easy nor does it come naturally.
Remi wishes that she was taught more about the risks, complications, and options for feeding so she could've avoided her painful journey. Instead, she shares her story in the hopes of being the one to teach other new mothers.
Breastfeeding Wasn't Natural Or Easy For Her
There is some kind of expectation that all new mothers will simply know how to breastfeed their newborns, and do it naturally.
However, for this mom, she felt like she should raise awareness that this is not always the case. Breastfeeding didn't come easily for her, and the milk took five days to come in (something she didn't even know could happen till then).
She Was The Only Mother In Her Ward To Breastfeed
The mothers that were sharing her hospital stay also struggled to breastfeed. She tells the story of another woman who tried, only to switch to formula 12 hours later because she didn't have enough milk.
Remi feels as though women should have the option to feed and nurture their babies however works best for them while still being supported and celebrated.
She Learned About "Cluster Feeding" The Hard Way
Remi didn't understand why her baby would cry all night when all the others were sleeping soundly.
Instead, her baby would attach itself to her breast all through the night, only wanting to feed in "clusters." She had no idea this could happen.
It Didn't Get Easier When She Was Home
Remi experienced intense pain in her breasts, to the point where she dreaded every feeding time.
She persisted through the process in tears, although she wished someone would have warned her. Remi regrets that no one taught her how painful breastfeeding could be.
Remi Was Too Embarrassed To Breastfeed In Public
Living in a judgmental society, Remi was always too uncomfortable to breastfeed in public. Instead, she would either find a bathroom or pump at home so she can feed out of a bottle on the go.
However, this led to clogged ducts and engorgements (producing more milk than their breasts can hold).
Then, She Suffered A Breast Infection
While breastfeeding in the middle of the night, Remi experienced excruciating pain. She was shaking and cold with a high fever. She was taken to the hospital where she was dosed with antibiotics and morphine.
She learned she had developed sepsis overnight from having mastitis (inflammation of breast tissue).
Remi Feels That The Education Around Breastfeeding Is Lacking
Remi might have had a slightly easier time if she had been taught what to expect. Instead, she learned it all the hard way with a lack of support.
"Women are not expected to give birth alone, but somehow they are expected to breastfeed alone...breastfeeding is hard, it needs to be taught, and it needs to be learned." She explains that just because talking is natural, for example, it doesn't always come naturally.
It All Comes Down To What We Objectify And Normalize
Remi feels as though part of the issue is that we tend to objectify women's breasts, so we don't want to talk about the labor of breastfeeding. If new mothers knew what to expect, they could prepare themselves beforehand.
Remi uses her platform to speak about her postpartum body as well, in hopes of normalizing mothers' bodies in general.
It's Hard Transitioning To The Body Of A Mother
Remi, like many mothers, wasn't prepared for all of the changes that her body was going to go through. It's a process of adapting and acceptance, but it doesn't come easy.
When she compares her body now as opposed to the one she had before she was a mother, she tries to focus on the gifts it has given her instead.
Remi Hopes For A World Where Mothers' Bodies Are More Accepted
It's not just about breastfeeding. The lack of education around it is part of a larger issue. Little attention is given to the changes in mothers' bodies. They are often painted as something to cover up and hide. Even something that has been ruined or lost with stretch marks and hanging tummies.
Remi wants to challenge these standards by accepting her own body and flaunting it despite others' judgments and expectations.
Working Mom Shared Tearful Photo While Advocating For Paid Maternity Leave In The US
f you're a working mother in the U.S., the decision of how soon to return to work after giving birth can be an extremely difficult one. It's difficult for both the parents and the baby to adjust to going back to work.
Four years after the birth of her second child, working mom Rachael Larsen shared a post on social media that resonated with parents throughout the country.
Working Up The Courage To Share Her Story
Recently, on LinkedIn, mother of two Rachael Larsen shared a photo of herself like many people do every day, but there was a story behind hers.
The photo she shared was actually taken four years prior and brought her back to a difficult time in her life.
A Photo From Four Years Ago
Rachael shared the photo on social media not so that she could garner sympathy or pity, but so she could shed light on a major issue in the United States: maternity leave—or rather, the lack thereof.
The photo in question was taken on the day that she went back to work after her second child was born, and she was anything but happy about her return to work.
The Shame Of The Working Mom
The mom started off her post by noting that "the shame around raising a family and working full-time is real."
Going back to work after your child is born is an emotional time, and it's something that many mothers (and fathers too) struggle with.
Her First Day Back Was Rough On Everyone
For her first day back to work, Rachael notes that "I wasn't ready. My daughter wasn't ready."
She knew that it was hard on her and on her daughter, who hadn't been sleeping properly and was "extremely" fussy, leaving both mom and baby exhausted.
She's Lucky She Got Time Off
Rachael was able to take a full 12 weeks off, but since she's the majority income source for her family, she couldn't afford any more time off.
In her post, she also comments that she knows she's "extremely privileged" to have been able to take time off, and she received partial pay during her leave, but it's still not enough.
It's Not About The Child Care Options Or Her Job
She had "a job I loved at an amazing company with great bosses," so it wasn't about Rachael just not wanting to return to her specific job.
She also said that she had found a daycare facility with great teachers that she trusted to leave her daughter with, but it's still not enough.
The Support For New Parents Is Seriously Lacking
"We need to do more to support parents and families," she writes.
It took her four years to work up the courage to share the photo that showed how she really felt about going back to her. Now that she's shared her story, she's realized she's not the only one who struggled with returning to work after a few months or even less.
There Was An Outpouring Of Support
After making her post, Rachael quickly learned that she was unfortunately just one of many mothers in the U.S. who felt unprepared after their maternity leave.
In the U.S., 12 weeks is the standard for maternity leave—but that's also not necessarily paid maternity leave.
Back At Work Doesn't Mean Ready To Work
Just because new parents are left with no choice but to return to work after a few weeks or months off does not mean that they're ready to.
One commenter, Katarina, noted that "At 3 months old, babies are just barely starting to learn to sleep through the night, which means a mother is returning to work sleep-deprived." She may be back in the office, but that doesn't mean she's at her best.
Resources At The Office Are Good, But It's Not A Valid Substitute
Many women who commented on the post also noted their struggle with being a new mom away from their baby while also trying to still work full-time.
Even if your company gives you all the resources (and not everyone's does), it'll still be difficult.
The Issue Should Be The Concern Of The Government
Did you know that the United States is one of only two countries in the developed world that doesn't have a national policy guaranteeing paid leave for new mothers?
In the U.S., it's left up to each individual state and employer to set their own policy for how long paid maternity or parental leave is—if it's offered at all.
It Affects Fathers, Too
According to a 2019 UNICEF report, the United States isn't just lacking in the maternity leave department, but it also lacks a standard policy for paternity leave.
The U.S. is one of only 15 out of the 41 richest countries in the world that doesn't offer any sort of policy for paternity leave.
The American Standard
As of right now, Americans are able to qualify for 12 weeks of parental leave if they: work for an employer covered by the Family and Medical Leave Act, work 1,250 hours in the previous 12 months, work at a location where 50+ employees work on-site, and they've worked for their employer for 12 months.
And that doesn't mean they're going to be paid for that leave, it just protects their job.
Do Other Countries Really Have It That Good?
In short, yes.
While Americans are appreciative of their country and often like to talk about how they're the best country in the world, this is an area in serious need of improvement.
Which Countries Are The Best?
The United States's neighbor to the north, Canada, is a country that offers a guaranteed 17 weeks of paid maternity leave by law.
Other countries that are leading when it comes to paid maternity leave include the Czech Republic (28 weeks), Hungary (24 weeks), and Italy (5 months).
As Usual, The Nordic Countries Are Doing It Right
If for some weird reason you somehow have a choice on where to have your baby, the Nordic countries are the place to be. Countries such as Finland and Sweden both offer extensive parental leave.
Starting in 2021, Finland announced that all parents regardless of gender would be eligible for 164 days (about 7 months) of parental leave, and single parents can take double. Sweden offers new parents 480 days of shared parental leave at 80% of their salary, with 18 weeks of that reserved for just mothers.
