Mom Doesn’t Like ‘Forcing’ Husband To Do Childcare, Asks Sister Instead
Parenting isn't easy for moms or dads, as neither one is born innately knowing how to do it. There's a steep learning curve, and you learn from experience. That means both parents should be just as capable of being around for all stages of the kid's life.
For this couple, however, the dad felt like he should only be there for when the kid is big enough. The mom didn't want to force him into it, so when she couldn't do it herself, she asked her sister.
Passed On Duties For 2-Year-Old Son
The couple's son is only 2 years old. Both parents work full-time jobs. They rely on the help of a full-time nanny during the mornings and help from grandma on the mother's side in the afternoons. Then the mom does the rest for the remainder of the day.
The child is used to being passed on to different caretakers and doesn't seem to mind.
The Mom Was Going On A Business Trip
This time, the mom was going away on a business trip during the week, so she needed someone to take care of the child at night. The nanny didn't work overnight, and the grandma was out of town.
The mom decided to ask her sister instead, but she didn't get the responses she was hoping for...
She Asked Her Sister To Watch The Kid, But She Was Hostile
The mom explains that her sister is a freelancer with a flexible schedule and usually is happy to watch the son when the couple is out of town as she has kids of her own.
Her sister felt like this was a time for the dad to step up and take care of his own kid. In the mom's Reddit post, she says, "This time she got kind of…hostile with me over how it’s my husband’s 'job' and he needs to be the one doing the night care."
The Husband Isn't "Into" The Baby Stage
Apparently, the dad isn't "super into the baby stage, and prefers not to take on the bulk of the hands-on parenting yet."
She says that, instead, he's excited for the "kid" stages in a few years. For now, the dad prefers the more traditionally gendered parenting roles where he sits there and mom takes care of the rest.
The Mom Had Taken Full Care Of The Baby For The First Three Months
The mom had done the bulk of the work, if not all of it, since the baby was born. She had taken a full three months of maternity leave and had established "a great routine" with the baby.
For that reason, her husband convinced her that it was more logical for her to handle what she was good that, rather than stress out the son by handing him to an inexperienced caregiver.
The Dad Insists The Child Needs An "Expert" Caregiver Unlike Himself
Despite the mom's effort to encourage her husband to take on more childcare, the husband insisted the son needed "an expert" and not someone who "is still learning and therefore obviously won’t be as good."
The issue was becoming clear. Women aren't born experts parents either. His wife had learned how to be a mother by taking it on, while he refused to try.
The Sister Accused The Mom of Enabling The Dad
The mom's sister wasn't shy about voicing her concerns: "She says I'm 'mistreating' my son by 'denying him time with his dad' because I’m 'enabling' my husband being 'an abjectly sh***y father.'"
As a mother herself, the sister saw value in the kid receiving equal care and presence from both parents, as both are capable of learning to care for their child.
The Dad Is Waiting For When Their Son "Gets Big Enough"
The mom wasn't convinced by her sister's concerns and still feels like her husband is a great dad.
"He was super supportive during my pregnancy and talks all the time about all the stuff they’re going to do with each other once son gets big enough." The dad continues to wait for the future.
The Couple Is Pushing For Another Baby
The mom feels that because her husband still spends some time with their son and doesn't complain about him, that he's doing enough.
In fact, she points out that he's pushing for them to try and have another baby in the following year.
The Mom Is Confused Because She Finds It "Normal" To Be The More Active Parent
The mom feels like this situation is ordinary. All her friends, family, and even her own dad were equally inactive in their parenting roles, so her husband isn't any worse of a dad.
She feels that it's expected, if not normal, for the mother to handle pretty much all of the parenting. She fails to acknowledge that just because something is normalized, that doesn't mean it's right
There's No Way To Guarantee The Husband Will Ever Step In
The other concern the sister voiced was that allowing her husband to be absent during this stage of the kid's life could encourage it in the remainder of the child's life.
"My sister keeps saying 'well how do you KNOW he'll actually make an effort in a few years?' and 'why would you give him another baby to ignore,' which is really messing with my head." He might even still pick and choose what roles to be active for when the kid is "big enough."
People Did Not Respond Kindly
Most comments found this behavior to be complete nonsense. Many agreed that the dad can't just choose to not be "into the baby part." They sided overwhelmingly with the sister with comments like, "Ma'am, that man is responsible for this child at EVERY STAGE, not when he feels like it."
In fact, they point out that this parenting is toxic and unhealthy as it's the dad's job too.
Some Pointed Out That It Could Harm The Kids, Too
Some fellow parents feared that this behavior sets a bad example for the kids, and could even mess them up.
It could set a sexist standard as well, with the kid growing up thinking that dads can't play with them because men just aren't good at childcare.
