People Share Seemingly Harmless Things Their Parents Did That Had A Big Impact
Parenting might just be the hardest job in the world, and there's no one guide book that tells you how to do it right. There are a lot of things that parents do with the best of intentions that actually can have a longer-lasting impact than they might understand.
In a Reddit thread, users of the site shared seemingly harmless things that their parents did that affected them later on in life.
"Discouraging Them From Asking Questions"
"Yes, it can be annoying to keep hearing 'but why daddy/mummy?', but I've met far too many adults who admit they stopped asking questions because, as a kid, their parents would shut them up or say, 'there he/she goes asking questions again.'
Inquisitive minds need to be fostered."
They're Too Young For That Kind Of Thinking
"Anytime a child is playing with a child of the opposite gender, and saying, 'Oh, who's your boy/girlfriend?'
Comments like that made me so uncomfortable that I completely stopped even speaking to girls until I was in high school."
"My Parents Didn't Make Me Do Any Chores"
"They pushed me to be academic and doted on me to make more room for study, and I was young so I thought it was a blessing.
When I moved out for university, I didn’t really know how/when to clean, how to wash clothes, etc. The only thing I could do was cook eggs."
Treating Your Young Child As A Friend You're Venting To
"My mom always vented her problems to me, including ones about my dad. As I grew, she was dependent upon me when the opposite should've been true. She'd expect me to gossip to her about my father's life after their divorce like a friend, despite him still being my dad. It's extremely traumatic to be your parent's diary."
Giving In To Your Kid's Wants Without Upholding Discipline And Consequences
"My parents babied me a lot when I was young—I never had to do anything I didn't want to do. When I started getting bad grades because I wasn’t doing my homework, my parents would get teachers to give me extra credit projects.
I had a rude awakening in college when I realized how hard life was and I had a large uphill battle from there."
Not Stopping When Your Child Says 'Stop'
"Whether it's teasing, or tickling, or wresting, kids who have parents that don't respect their boundaries always seem to end up being the biggest bullies because they've learned they don't have to respect other people's feelings."
Getting Them Involved In Problems They Have No Control Over
"My parents felt the need to keep me in the loop regarding our pending foreclosure and argue in front of me over which one was to blame when I was 10. I barely slept for months—I was convinced the cops were gonna bust in at midnight and throw us all outside."
Telling A Kid An Activity That They Enjoy Is Annoying Or Dumb
"I used to love to sing. My sisters teased me for it and my parents constantly told me to shut up, so I stopped because I thought I was bad at it.
Years later, my mom said that she was surprised I never pursued singing since I loved it so much as a kid. I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't scream at her for being one of the reasons I stopped."
Constantly Pushing An Intelligent Or Self-Motivated Child To Work Harder And Do 'Better'
"My parents always congratulated good grades and good performance in sports with a push to do even better next time. While well-intentioned, it set me up to become a perfectionist, which was incredibly damaging my mental health in the long run."
Refusing To Admit When They Were Wrong Or Made Mistakes
"My parents would go out of their way to justify any mistake they made and make it seem as if they were right no matter what the situation was. It gave me a pretty messed up view of right and wrong, as well as learning from mistakes, and took years to unlearn.
"My Mom Quit Having Her Own Life The Moment My Brother And I Were Born"
"She was devoted and loving, but she stopped having friends, didn't work, and was home every single day.
She was very easily upset because she had no other source of self-esteem and any time I screwed up (and I screwed up a lot), she acted like I'd levied a personal attack against her. It's made my relationship with her very tense."
Telling Kids They Have To "Finish Their Plate"
"Sometimes there's just too much food. I was overeating for years because my parents were dishing out adult-sized portions to me as a child and it took a lot of work to break the habit and shed the extra weight."
Sticking Through A Toxic Relationship "For The Kids"
"It doesn't help. I would have preferred if my parents parted ways and just spent some quality time together with us instead of staying together and visibly hating their lives. It was a terrible example to set and it took years for me to learn what a healthy relationship should look like."
Making Them Give Physical Affection When They Don't Want To
"My parents made me hug and kiss all of our family and friends even if I was scared of them or they made me uncomfortable.
Of course, it’s important to teach children to be kind, but they also taught me that the feelings of others are more important than my own bodily autonomy."
They Can't Always Be Your Baby
"My girlfriend is 23, and despite being entirely independent of her family, her mom still treats her like a child—as in too-immature to make her own decisions and inferior to her/not equal.
This invalidates her self worth, her opinions, her views, and her life choices. It's wildly damaging and extremely toxic. My girlfriend is frustrated that she can't have an adult conversation with her mom."
Not Congratulating Your Child When They Achieve Something
"A friend of mine never got any praise from his parents growing up and always felt that he wasn't good enough, no matter what he did. Show the child that their hard work doesn’t go unnoticed!"
Never Telling Your Child That You Were Wrong And That You're Sorry
"It just never occurred. My father never apologized to me—he was human and made mistakes, and there were plenty of times he should have. It made me believe it was okay for adults to treat you unfairly."
Telling Them That The Family Members Who Are Mean To Them Or Neglect Them Actually Love Them
"When I was a kid, my uncle was really mean to me but my mom insisted that he loved me. I grew to normalize cruel and bullying behaviors as acceptable as long as the person claimed they loved me, which led me to stay in a lot of unhealthy friendships and relationships."
Not Giving Them A Factual And Straightforward Sex-Ed Talk
"I was lucky that my parents answered my questions truthfully and at an age-appropriate level throughout my childhood, and I am extremely thankful for it. However, many others around me have clearly not been that lucky."
Expecting Your Children To Communicate And Express Emotions In A Certain Way
"My parents often treated my feelings as invalid just because they weren't similar to theirs and I processed my emotions differently than them. They often told me I was too sensitive/dramatic/theatrical/hormonal/etc., so I'd bottle up emotions to avoid upsetting them."
Not Following Through With Your Promises...
"...like telling your child you were buying ice cream tomorrow in the hopes that they'd forget and the next day when they ask, you tell them no.
My parents did this all the time and I grew to see them as unreliable."
Making Finances A Taboo Subject
"To clarify, I don’t mean putting the weight of your debt on them at an early age, but rather, teaching them how to properly budget their money as they earn it, how to build savings, what credit is and how to responsibly manage it, and set realistic expectations for costs of living.
My parents never did and my lack of financial illiteracy was devastating when I became an adult."
Telling Your Daughter That If A Boy Is Mean To You It's Because He Likes You
"Whenever a boy would relentlessly tease me or be rude to me as a child, my parents would brush off my complaints by saying it was because he liked me. I grew up to believe that men disrespecting me in a relationship meant he had strong feelings for me."
Not Creating A Safe Space For Your Kids To Tell Their Secrets And Make Mistakes
"When I was younger, I excitedly confided in my mom about my first boyfriend. But instead of calmly talking me through this, she immediately brought my dad in the conversation and they both yelled at me and forced me to break up with him. I never opened up again."
Snooping Through Their Stuff
"While I get that it's hard to feel out of the loop when it comes to your kids, snooping is not the answer. My parents going through my room made me feel unsafe and less inclined to share with them."
The Inability To Keep The Conversation Light And Positive
"For example, if I received an A on a test, and I brought it up at the dinner table, within 5 minutes we would be having a tense discussion about some other class I should be doing better in, or it has turned negative on one of my siblings. It made me scared to talk to them about anything."
Well, That Is Straight-Up Nightmare Fuel
"Every time someone close to the family died when we were kids, my parents told us that they were 'just sleeping'. They thought it would be easier for us to digest, but instead, they just created a lifetime insomniac."
Bringing Up Dieting With Them...
"When I was growing up, my mom called me fat and put me on all kinds of diets, starting when I was 6 years old. I'd go to the neighbor's house and beg for something to eat because I was starving. Even now that I'm an adult, I hide food from my significant other."
Telling A White Lie
"When I was four, my parents adopted a kitten. I had never seen anything quite so delightful before and I could barely keep my hands off the little furball.
After two or three days passed, I got up in the morning and walk out and asked, 'Where is the kitten?' My parents told me that he died, implying that my roughhousing had killed it. I was terrified to touch an animal for several years thereafter.
They'd actually given the kitten back to the people they got it from."
Telling Them They Are Smart...
"My parents always reinforced that I was smart, which made me think that I was naturally just meant to be good at school. I never learned how to work hard for grades and later struggled in school once I couldn't immediately overcome challenges.
It's much better to commend hard work."
