Outdated Wedding Traditions Couples Said ‘Hell No’ To
Weddings are stressful enough as it is. Between picking the venue, finalizing the guest list, and committing the rest of your life to one person, it's easy to get overwhelmed. Add silly, outdated, and expensive traditions to the mix, and it all becomes too much.
These couples put their foot down and said no to these traditions that just didn't make sense to them.
Beware If The Younger Sibling Gets Married First
"Apparently, in my fiancé's rural home town they do something called a hog trough dance...if a younger sibling gets married before an older sibling, the older sibling must dance around a hog trough at the reception while guests put money in it.
"This seems so bizarre and embarrassing to me" —ChampionOfTheSunn / Reddit
There is no reason to put them on blast. Love comes to each of us in its own time.
Invitations For Everyone Over 18
"That you're supposed to send everyone over 18 who lives at an address their own invitation unless they’re a couple. We’re not doing that but I’ve been getting scolded by some older relatives." —UnrealStarling / Reddit
Invitations are expensive, okay? Add in the labor of putting them together and mailing them off...each set of families should only get one big invitation and call it a day.
Cake Smashing
"That couples smash cake into each other's faces at the cake cutting. I find this so tacky and utterly bizarre. I don’t know how it became a thing..." —tetrine / Reddit
The bride doesn't spend six hours in the morning to get ready for her big day just so it can all be ruined in two seconds by cake. And it's a waste of cake.
Pearls Bring Tears
"I heard that wearing pearls as a bride is bad luck/bad omen. I don't remember what the 'reasoning' is but I'm paying no attention to it! I love pearls and most of my accessories & jewelry will have pearls in them!" —meganthemuggle / Reddit
Some say that the pearls represent future tears and heartache in the marriage. I say they bring elegance and old timely fashion to the wedding!
Clink A Glass For A Kiss
"The clinking of the glasses to make the bride and groom kiss." —[deleted] / Reddit
The bride and groom are in the spotlight enough that I'm sure they don't need the two minutes they finally have to sit down and eat need to be interrupted so everyone can watch them kiss. They clearly love each other enough to be at this wedding, so why do we need further proof?
Dancing For Money
"I had never heard of the Dollar Dance before I started planning. I think my parents brought it up. They said they did it because it was sort of the 'thing' to do at the time, but they thought it was dumb. I think it's tacky and weird, sort of embarrassing to ask for more money when people have already given you gifts." —ILoVermont25 / Reddit
Weddings are so expensive though...a little more money won't hurt!
Taking Bridal Portraits
"I had never heard of bridal portraits. It seems kind of like overkill. Since you'll be getting pictures taken on the day of the wedding too. Also, I find it weird that it's focused only on the bride. I already dislike that a lot of people act like the day is only about the bride. The groom is getting married too!" —spicytunasoul / Reddit
Maybe the focus would be more on the men if they helped a little more with all the wedding prep.
Opposing Hairstyles Between Bride And Bridesmaids
"One of my bridesmaids asked me about hair because when she found out a tradition/rule was that if the bride's hair is up, the bridesmaids' is down or vice versa. I'm getting married in summer, pretty sure we're all gonna have our hair up for comfort, and my hair is short anyway." —purplepartridge / Reddit
It would look more uniform anyway if everyone had matching hairstyles.
Standing When The Bride Comes Out
"It's traditional for all of the guests to stand when the bride came out. I personally have never liked that. I decided to have my officiant tell everyone to remain seated. And my photographer got a great picture of my dad and I coming down the aisle!" —Kelly Bailey / Quora
Chances are everyone can get a better view of the bride this way anyway. Everyone tends to push a little forward for a better look if they're standing.
The Wedding Dress
"I hate white for two main reasons: First, it looks boring, second, it looks awful on me. Doesn't suit me at all.
"You spend a ridiculously high amount of money for a dress you’re probably only gonna wear once in your life. I’d rather wear something in navy blue or a really dark purple. Looks much more interesting in my opinion, and you can also wear it in the future." —Lea Sing / Quora
Giving Away The Bride
"As close in history as the 1770s in the US, a bride became her husband's property upon marriage. When a father 'gave away' the bride, he was literally handing his ownership of his female child over to her new owner. It’s really symbolic of a business deal.
"My husband and I decided we were walking into this marriage together, we might as well walk down the aisle together and that’s what we did. No one 'gave me away' — we freely entered a joint venture." —Tamara Castleman / Quora
Planning Your Own Bridal Shower
"I basically planned my own bridal shower. That’s probably weird to some people, but it just seemed like the easiest thing to do. I just wanted something simple where I could spend the afternoon with some of my closest friends." —Jessica Duhon Quinn / Quora
This allowed them to have even more fun and be kids again for a day. They went bowling, drove go-karts, went through a laser maze, and checked out the arcade games. It was way more affordable and still fun.
Changing Last Names
"I don't want to change my name or have the officiant announce me as 'Mrs. [Insert name here]' at the end of the ceremony. I want us to find another creative way of announcing that we’ve made a lifelong commitment that doesn’t involve giving me a new name." —Cherelle-Renée Childs / Quora
Getting married doesn't mean taking on a new identity. You're still the same person, with all the same experiences, and now you have someone to share the rest of them with.
The Red Ribbon
"In Turkish tradition, before the bride leaves the parents' home for the wedding, her close relatives put a red ribbon around her waist in order to symbolize her chastity.
"Since the bridegroom is the only one who gets to untie that knot, it also shows her promise to him that he will be the first one to gain access to her body." —Zeynep Cemre / Quora
Like this woman points out, red ribbon clashes on a classy white dress. She believes the red ribbon instantly ruins the elegance of the special dress.
The Bouquet Toss
"My bouquet was made of dried flowers, fragile and handmade from Etsy. I also believe that I only paid $155 for it." —Cole Ferguson / Quora
This bouquet was definitely too fragile to be thrown. Usually, the tradition dictates that the person who catches it is next to be married.
Having A Bridal Party
"Not that I don't love my friends, I appreciate them each in their own special way. But I also happen to have one-off friends from different backgrounds and I struggle with putting them into one awkward space." —Anonymous / Quora
She adds that bridesmaids end up needing moral support in what to do with their hair and makeup and so on which just gives the bride more to worry about.
Spending So Much Money On A Big Ceremony
"Instead we had fifteen close friends and family, a seated wedding breakfast ending with a home-made cake, a wedding dress that was actually a cream wool suit, all of it worn over and over again—no bridesmaids, garters, trinkets, theme decorations..." —George Georgi / Quora
They made up for it by throwing bigger parties with about a hundred people for their silver wedding anniversary. By then they had more money and could afford to!
The Diamond Engagement Ring
"I had a garnet in my first engagement ring and my second one was zirconia that I eventually replaced with a garnet. Diamonds (and tradition) are not my thing." —Victoria Elder / Quora
It should all come down to what the bride feels looks prettier and is more to her taste rather than tradition. Some stones look stunning without needing to be diamonds.
Removing The Garter
"A garter is an underwear, and any removal of bridal underwear should definitely take place in private, after the wedding is over." —Jennifer Georgia
Although some couples love to partake in this tradition, it all depends on their level of comfort. There is always time later to take whatever they want off.
No Dancing Involved
"At the reception, there was no first dance (actually no dancing at all, since everyone preferred to sit and chat, so there was no reason to play music)" —Harry Kriewaldt / Quora
Instead, this couple preferred to incorporate pulmamängud, which are cultural wedding games. It's definitely another way to party!
"To Love, To Honor And OBEY"
"The one prohibition for my wedding was in the vows. I ensured that the phrase 'to love, honor and OBEY' was not uttered.
"I know me—somewhat of a traditionalist—but only when a role is CHOSEN, not assigned because of gender. I didn't feel it necessary to promise to do something that I would never do—on principle alone!" —Shelia Gulledge / Quora
How come the groom doesn't have to make that some promise?
Breaking The Polterabend Tradition
Polterabend is a German wedding tradition, where on the night before the wedding, the guests break porcelain to bring luck to the couple's marriage.
"Sorry, but I don't have any reason to smash porcelain. Plus, traditionally on Polterabend, the groom celebrates the last night in which he is 'free' and unmarried. That's just old sexist thinking." —Christina Rauscher / Quora
A One-Gender-Only Bachelorette Party
"I wouldn't want an all-female bachelorette party, since most of my friends are guys. It would have to be mixed-gender, and we definitely wouldn’t be doing spa days or whatever. We’d go backpacking or mountain biking or something epic." —Eva Glasrud / Quora
It's 2020, we all have friends of all genders, and if those are the people closest to the bride, then who says they can't be included in her bridal party?
The Veil Covering The Face
The tradition of wearing veils dates back to arranged marriages. Often, the bride and groom didn't meet until the day of the wedding. The parents didn't want the groom to decide on the bride simply based on her looks, so they wanted her face hidden until they were legally married.
"I’m not a fan of this tradition at all. I want my husband to see me in all my glory, not hide my face." —Gemma Joubert / Quora
Kidnapping The Bride!
"My husband's friends thought it would be funny to kidnap me after the reception when I was expecting to go on my honeymoon, alone with my husband! I was mad! They roughed me into the car, knocking out a borrowed diamond earring!" —Ruth Reeves / Quora
This seems like a very dangerous tradition that probably shouldn't exist. A bride should experience joy, not fear, on her wedding day.
A "Destination" Wedding
"I will never host a party that required people to 'contribute' a large amount of money to participate. For me, a wedding ceremony is about making your vows before friends and family establishing yourselves as a couple. If you want your friends and family there make it a reasonably accessible time and place for them." —John Catiller / Quora
The cost of the flight alone is a lot to ask of the guests. Not to mention the required time off and other costs.
Spending On A Ceremony Instead Of Investments
"My husband and I looked through magazines, visited venues, discussed bridal party and guest list and attire and food and music and cake and after all was said, we realized it would all just be a waste of money.
"Rather put it towards a down payment on a house or, more realistically, the rent." —Thobeka Rigmaiden / Quora
This seems like a much more productive use of large sums of money
Bachelor/Bachelorette Wild Parties
"It's like a last supper of indulgence. A wedding is a sacred thing. I can see a dinner, a night out with the friends before the date, but not the crazy 'strip club, drunken night out' scene.
"Too many stories of things gone wrong. The juvenile 'they made me do it' explanations the morning after can spoil a sacred ceremony and even the relationship itself." —Roger Sanford / Quora
It is quite a risky situation, especially the night before such an important event.
The Indian tradition of "Bidaai"
The "Bidaai" is the part where the bride says says "goodbye" to her family and joins her new wed family.
"The concept of her own immediate family becoming a thing of the past, or 'second priority' or her parents always having a lower status in comparison to her in-laws, bothers me." —Spandana Akella Pannala / Quora
Wearing A Ring
"I cannot stand wearing jewelry, and hate metal against my skin and the feeling of constraint, couldn't even wear it on a chain around my neck." —Robert Thorne / Quora
They say you don't even realize you're wearing it after a while, but the concept of having a piece of jewelry you NEVER take off is definitely interesting.
