People Share The Moment They Realized Their Kid Was An Idiot
As a parent, you want to believe that your kid is exceptional amongst other kids—that yours is the most athletic, well-behaved, and intelligent kid out of the whole lot. However, sometimes, the harsh reality that they are, in fact, stupid comes and slaps you in the face.
These parents shared the moment they realized their child was an absolute idiot.
Is He Too Good For Dunkin?
"My son is 2-and-a-half, so he's at peak use of toddler logic. He won't drink water unless it’s in a rinsed out Starbucks cup. With the lid and straw and everything.
Don't Trust Anyone—Not Even Yourself
"My 3-year-old had a meltdown yesterday because someone ate all of his sultanas, which are small dried grapes similar to raisins. It was him. He ate all of his sultanas."
Why, Though?
"I have uttered the words, 'Don't lick the headlights!'"
I would like to hear the full story behind this event in detail. How old was the child? What made them want to lick the headlights? Were they dirty?
Math Is Hard, Okay?
"My daughter was 6. She had 10 one-dollar bills. I needed change for some reason and offered her a $10 bill for her 10 one-dollar bills.
"She completely melted down, screamed, cried, accused me of stealing, on and on and on. I let her keep all the one-dollar bills."
It's A Better Reason For The Sheets To Be Sticky
"My 13-year-old couldn't understand why hiding a popsicle in his bed was a bad idea."
Honestly, if he hasn't caught on to why it's bad by this age, he never will.
Keep The Fire Department On Speed-Dial
"My 14-year-old has tried to microwave soup in the same metal bowl at least three times. This is the ONLY metal bowl we have in the house, so it's not like she doesn’t have other options."
At Least She's Got Two Out Of Three
"My 3-year-old daughter told me the other night that her favorite animals are unicorns, moths, and the ocean."
I can excuse the first two—unicorns are animals, just mythical—but she lost me at the ocean.
Anything Is A Pizza If You Believe It Is!
"My toddler loves pizza. As long as I tell him that the food we're eating is pizza, he’ll eat it. Vegetables? Call it pizza. Chicken nuggets? Call it pizza. Literally anything."
What Stage Of Grief Is This?
"My daughter thinks our dog who died has now turned into a plant in our balcony and she waters it every morning and talks to it about her day when she comes home from school."
He Doesn't Even Want To Vroom Vroom
"When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up and why, he replied, 'A racecar because then you get to ride in the back of a truck.'
"He's a big fan of the movie Cars, but all the cool stuff racecars can do and he wants to ride in a semi."
I Sure Hope He Didn't...
"The mother of my son's pre-K teacher died. She was out for a few weeks. Right before she returned I told him to tell his teacher that he was sorry her mother died.
"His response: 'Why? I didn’t kill her.'"
I Mean, It's A Clever Response
"I told my kid that they could not go outside without supervision, and they responded by saying, 'But I have super vision in my body!'"
Is this stupid, or actually a genius ploy to get their way? You be the judge.
She Knew The Consequences And Did It Anyway
"She cried because I told her she wasn't allowed to pour water out of the bucket onto the grass because she wanted to jump in a muddy puddle because she has no shoes on and her feet would get wet.
"She then emptied the bucket when I wasn't looking, jumped in it, and cried because her feet were wet."
When's Third Dinner?
"My 4-year-old calls all meals dinner, even after hundreds of explanations of the breakfast, lunch, dinner model. The other day she asked what we were having for 'second dinner,' so I asked what she calls the cereal we ate for breakfast: she said that was 'first dinner.' Facepalm."
I Wish Food Was Included
"My son, 17, was talking to his mom about how he had been looking at apartments for when he moves out at 18. He proceeded to talk about how water was included and even heat sometimes, but that he still hasn't found one that includes food."
The Hole Is Objectively The Worst Part
"Only minutes ago, while having lunch with my kids, my 4-year-old was complaining that the bread in his bagel was getting in the way of him eating the hole and asked if I could 'cut the bread away.'"
But Duct Tape Fixes Everything!
"Not my kids, but my little sister. Once, she cut her own hair behind our back and figured she didn't like it, so she started crying and tried to undo it using duct tape."
He Has A Future In Biology
"He knows that meat-eaters are made of meat, so he thinks plant-eaters are made out of plants."
I mean, the kid's logic isn't too far-fetched. I mean, how else are they supposed to get meat to be made of if they don't get any in their diet?
If Only It Was That Easy...
"When my sister was little, she planted the sesame seeds from a hamburger bun into the ground thinking she could grow her own hamburger buns. She proceeded to water a different place every day because she didn't place a marker where she planted. Idiot."
This Is Not A Good Business Model
"My kids recently discovered that if they put water into a container, it will freeze into that shape. Then they got the idea to sell them as 'ice sculptures.' They put them on plates and went to go sell them on the corner. Outside in 90-degree heat. They are 8 and 10. Olaf would like a word."
Nothing Like Mushy Bananas In Your Mouth For Hours
"My 2-year-old refuses to swallow certain food items. Bananas, for example, or even string cheese. He will chew it until it is liquified mush and then go about his business with the mush in his mouth. He will try to talk around it, breathe around it."
Buddy, At Least Give Yourself A Foul Ball
"My kid was playing make-believe baseball with his brother. As the batter, instead of being a hero and hitting a home run, he struck out swinging on three pitches."
Face-First For Everything
"My 2-year-old nephew doesn't realize he can use his hands to stop himself on something whilst running, so instead he just runs headfirst into cupboards, doors, and trees and then cries about it."
What Does He Have Against Using The Bathroom?
"My 3-year-old would straight-up refuse to poop. He would sit on the floor and rock until the urge went away. He would only poop 1–2 times per week and would shriek as he birthed a regulation-sized football."
I Wish That Was The Case
"Up until his early teens, my kid believed there was a second stomach for desserts."
Honestly, imagine how much better that would be? No need to leave room for dessert anymore.
Brain Injuries, Here We Come!
"My son is only 3, but I'm getting a bit worried. He climbed up onto the kitchen table and swan-dived headfirst into the linoleum floor and banged his head pretty good the other day. The worrying thing is that it wasn't the last time—he keeps doing it."
I Can't Believe It Took Half An Hour
"Today I had to inform my teenage stepdaughter that goat's milk is not, in fact, dairy-free. It took me half an hour and frantic googling for her to believe me."
You Spoke Too Soon, Pal
"I bragged to my mom one day about my 3-year-old as who was standing outside and explaining how the earth revolves around the sun. Then she walked over and licked the side of the outdoor garbage can unprompted. Brought me back down to earth."
Say Goodbye To Your Savings!
"My kid fell for an internet scam—one of the oldest, classic ones. You become the middleman in a 'deal,' they send you X money in the form of a check, you deposit money into your account, keep your part and send the rest on.
"My name was on the account, and when it went negative $1,500 USD, the bank took the money out of my Christmas and birthday savings account to cover it. He was 19."
I Fooled Them!
"My kids are so dumb they think that I know what I'm doing as a mom."
The reality is that kids, just like us, are trying to figure it out as they go.
