People Proving Marriage Is Not For The Faint Of Heart
If your marriage is all sunshine and rainbows, and you've never had an argument with your spouse, good for you! But also, we don't want to hear it. For most people, regardless of how much they love their partner, marriage is not easy.
You're incapable of winning an argument against your wife, or your husband refuses to learn how to properly load the dishwasher despite years of you explaining it to him, and that's just how your life is.
Bring Your A Game
The key to a successful marriage is to figure out your spouse's weaknesses and then exploit them. This man doesn't want to have to share his cookie dough, and he knew his wife hates Greek yogurt, so he used that to his advantage. Game, set, match.
"Compromise"
Everyone knows that marriage is about compromise, but what you probably didn't realize before getting married is that when your friends say they "compromise" with their wives, the wives are rarely the ones compromising.
We Thought This Only Happened In Movies
Just once, you wanted your husband to help out with the laundry, and he did what you asked—he "helped." Now he's never going to have to help again, though, since he turned all the towels pink and your linen looks like it's bubblegum-flavored.
It's One Of Women's Many Superpowers
You know how your mom was always able to find the thing you'd spent the last 20 minutes searching for, and she'd do it with little to no effort? Wives have that ability too.
Sharing Isn't Caring
When you get married, you're choosing to share your life with someone for as long as you both shall live, but if you think you're always going to share your food, then you are sorely mistaken. That's still off-limits.
Happy Wife, Happy Life
Your definition of a successful marriage might be completely different than your wife's definition or your friends' definitions, but really, all you need to remember is that if you're the one who's always wrong in the arguments, you're doing something right.
Yet Another Task You Should've Done Yourself
He said he wanted to be in charge of decorating the guest bathroom, and it seemed harmless so you said sure. Now you have to figure out how to return this shower curtain—as well as how to trade in your husband.
Be Careful With Your Words
This man made the mistake of jokingly referring to his wife as a "sandwich maker," so she lived up to her name, and while she may have laughed at the time, she clearly didn't forget about it.
Your Rebellion Has To Be Creative
Sometimes, revenge is a dish that's best served with a side of creativity, especially in marriage because your spouse can't be that upset with you. This man knew that, which is why he placed every item that his wife said they couldn't throw away on full display in their living room.
Shopping Spouses Support Group
If your husband comes shopping with you and you suddenly realize he's wandered off, check the nearest communal sitting area. Chances are, he'll be sitting there with all of the men who were lured into coming on a "quick trip to the mall."
All Your Flaws Will Be Revealed
Marriage is great because there's another person who now spends all their time with you, so they can quickly and easily tell you everything you've been doing wrong up until this point in your life.
A Pointed Gift
You may have thought that subtlety was your strong suit, but then you realize that despite your hints and comments, your husband is still using the counter as a cutting board, so for Christmas you had to throw subtlety to the wind.
You Don't Make The Rules Anymore
You splurged at the grocery store and bought chip dip since it was on sale, but then you go to eat it and it's not in the fridge? That chip dip now belongs to your wife, and she has full power over when and by whom it gets eaten.
Drastic Measures
If you act like a child, she's going to treat you like a child—which, in this case, means your wife is going to tape the toilet seat down since you seem incapable of putting it down yourself.
The Art Of War
Living with another person and knowing everything about them is great because you know how to make them smile, but it also means you know exactly how to annoy your wife when she tries to pick a fight with you.
Some Questions Are Rhetorical
If you get asked a question like "What do you want for dinner?" you should always think before you speak. Look around, is there chicken defrosting on the counter? Did your wife already say she didn't feel like cooking tonight? Choose wisely.
Trust Nobody
While your mortgage and marriage license indicates that you're a mature adult who contributes to society, sometimes you need to break out that tape measure to make sure your wife doesn't stiff you on your portion of dinner.
Who Says Letter-Writing Is Dead?
You love them, you chose to marry them, you want to spend your life with them, but you can't spend your life with someone if they annoy you so much you feel the need to commit homicide before your 10th anniversary.
Time To Throw In The Towel
No matter how hard you try, no matter how many times you tell him, no matter how many days you've been married, there is always going to be one thing (or 10 things) that your husband doesn't know, even if you've been married for five years and it's never changed.
Pick Your Battles, And Always Pick This One
You're going to make a lot of choices during your marriage, and sometimes you're going to have to make tough ones that could lead to a fight. Choosing to leave a package of cookies like this? It's definitely going to lead to a fight.
They Probably Won't Listen To Your Answer Anyway
Your spouse is going to rely on you to help them remember the names of people or places you've been, so even if you have a worse memory than them, you'd better be able to come up with an answer.
Take What You Can Get
The romance doesn't have to die after you've been married for five or 10 years, but it might become a little more pragmatic. The romance is still possible, it's just not as probable.
The Ongoing Shedding Struggle
You're going to find yourself wondering how it's possible that your wife has any hair left to leave around the house considering you could form a small dog from all her shedding, but it's going to be a never-ending battle for you.
Time To Rethink Those Vows
There are going to be moments in your marriage when your spouse does something or says something that makes you question your own judgment, and opening the fridge to find this monstrosity would be one of those moments.
Be Prepared To Discuss Everything
Since marriage is about compromise and making decisions as partners, there are going to be a lot of lengthy discussions about things that didn't really require a big conversation in the first place. Eventually, one of you will concede because you're sick of talking about it, and then you'll find something new to discuss.
Don't Forget About The In-Laws
If you're lucky, your spouse's family is going to be a delightful bunch of humans that welcome you into their family with open arms. Unfortunately, that might not happen, and instead, you'll end up needing "relax reminders" from your watch because you get so stressed out in their presence.
Take Advantage Of The Scapegoat
Being married means there's always another person to blame things on. Your son can't find his backpack? Daddy must've moved it. Your daughter's artwork mysteriously ended up in the garbage? Mommy must've put it there by accident.
You're Stuck With Them, And Their Crimes
Make sure you choose your spouse wisely, because you're going to be their accomplice in all future crimes, forever—regardless of what that crime is. In this case, make sure if you hate killing spiders, your spouse is okay with it. Otherwise, you'll be stuck in a house full of bugs.
The Secret To A Long Happy Marriage
According to many, the secret to a happy marriage is not big, romantic gestures or communication, it's having separate tubes of toothpaste. You can't get mad at your wife for consistently leaving the cap off the toothpaste if you have your own tube, right? It's not your problem anymore.
Only The Essentials
If kids are going to be the next big thing for you and your spouse, get ready for them to add a whole new layer to your marriage, because it's going to get even crazier than it was before.
