Lies Parents Tell Their Kids So They Can Survive This Whole Parenting Thing
We teach our kids that honesty is the best policy, but that in itself is one of the biggest lies we tell them, isn't it? Often, we have to protect them and teach them by withholding parts of the hard truth.
Other times, we can't help but lie to them for no other benefits other than our own, because let's face it, we just need a break.
Tooth Fairies Are Just Like Us
If you're going to reward them, you might as well make them earn it. The best kind of parenting is the one where you can kill two birds with one stone.
This way, you get to keep their imagination magical while also teaching them the importance of chores.
How Did That Get There?!
Art is a daily activity at daycare, so if you have more than one kid, that means you're collecting at least two pieces of art every day.
Odds are kids don't even remember what kind of art they made by the end of the week, so just make sure you're hiding it well if you toss it.
On Sundays, We Stay Safe
All employees get at least one day off a week, so why should a parent's job be any different? They also need to recharge, rest, and engage in hobbies.
The only way to so is to make sure that the kids are staying calm and safe.
Dad's Not Only A Hero, But A Magician
Most kids grow up believing Dad is their own superhero. Not only can he throw a football across a whole field, but he also can turn on the TV without even using his hands!
He's made of magic!
Dad Wouldn't Mind Some Material Appreciation
Yes, kids are the greatest gift of all...
But after dealing with their tantrums, demands, and awkward questions for 356 days a year, on a 24-hour basis, Dad isn't going to say no if they reward him with a new barbecue or something on Father's Day.
It's A Double Standard
Isn't funny how we try so hard to teach our kids that lying is bad, but we turn around and do it ourselves?
Maybe we need to start teaching them instead that only adults can lie so they feel a little less guilty about it in the future.
The Weekend Never Starts
How come kids get two whole days off from school where they spend the whole day playing and drawing, anyway?
Adults have to go from their full-time day jobs to their full-time parenting jobs with no breaks.
The Sad Truth
You want to keep your status as the superior authority figure who knows everything; otherwise, your kids' ego will skyrocket and they will blackmail you.
You can't let them see any sign of weakness, or it won't just be games they win at.
Adult Chocolate Can't Be Shared
They say that every lie is based on some truth. The truth is there really is some chocolate out that is only for adults, such as liquor chocolate.
Plus, it should be okay to not always have to share every little thing with your child.
If Only There Could Be A Whole Book
Forget parenting books on how to put your kid to bed, what new parents really need is a whole book on what lies they need to tell their kids to survive.
It's the only way to find some peace of mind to survive the next 18 years of their lives.
Disneyland Is Locked
There was a time this was actually true. During the pandemic, Disney World truly was locked for safety and health regulations. This opens the door to keep the lie alive forever.
All that needs to be said is that they need to lock down again for a routine check or something.
Those Raccoons Were Bad
Raccoons are really getting smart these days if they've found out how to unlock the back door and make it all the way to the pantry.
They'll have to deal with their raccoon mama now.
"I'm Not Gonna Say It Again"
Even as those words exit your mouth, you know very well you're going to have to repeat them over, and over, and over again.
If only there was a way to make children listen from the very first try, but we have yet to uncover that magic spell.
Let's Face It, We All Do It
How many of the lies above have you read and thought to yourself that you've done the exact same thing? Don't feel ashamed. Clearly, there is a consensus that white lies are hacks to actual good parenting.
Think of it this way: If you can't catch a break, you won't be able to have the energy to be the parent your kid deserves.
How To Get The Truth Out Of Them
It may be ironic to have to lie to your kid to get the truth out of them, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.
This parent needed her son to admit the truth to something, and this felt like the logical way to do it.
Cartoon Actors Need Naps Too
There is only so much of Peppa Pig's voice anyone above the age of 5 can take. Sometimes, she needs to take a nap and only the Real Housewives happen to be awake during that time.
Perhaps that means the kid might as well take a nap too.
A Very Meticulous Pilot
We do trust pilots with our lives the second we hop on their planes, so it doesn't seem completely impossible that they would want to check that everyone is strapped in safely for their ride.
Better safe than sorry, right?
Going To Bed For A Good Cause
This seems like a win-win because not only are you getting your kids to bed early for some peace and quiet, but you're also teaching them qualities about charity and compassion.
Plus, kids associate sundown with bedtime anyway.
10/10 Eyesight
You know how kids start to believe that you have eyes in the back of your head because you can see them get into trouble from the corner of your eye?
That should also automatically give you the ability to see their Lego tower from the other room.
The Freedoms Of Adulthood
Kids are always in a rush to grow up because they believe all their problems will be solved the second they turn 18 and have all their freedom.
Joke's on them because that's actually when all their troubles will begin.
A New Breakfast Menu
Let's just hope there's at least jam or cream cheese going on that cold toast so the kids are at least getting some kind of nutritional value in their most important meal of the day.
Then it shouldn't matter if the bread is warm or cold.
How Rude Of The Store
The store was so rude and refused to sell diapers, so obviously the kid now is faced with no choice other than to use the actual toilet.
There's no harm in rushing our children to success a little.
A Princess-Only Special
The princess lifestyle is one little girls fully commit to. It translates to their attitude, their tiaras, and their food menu.
The onus is on you to convince them that what you're offering is up to their royal standards now.
Daddy Suffers From A Rare Hearing Condition
In fact, Daddy's condition is so rare that no one else in the world has even heard of it. Not even his wife.
The poor woman will experience quite the shock when she finally learns of it, but not for the reasons you'd expect.
Protect Your Tummies From Junk Food
If you think about it, this actually does make more sense. If you eat a bunch of healthy food first, then it'll fill you up and you won't have space for too much of the junk.
This makes it harder to get sick from eating too much junk food!
This is A No-Judgment Zone
By now, you might be thinking that you don't agree with a lot of these lies. However, make sure that you're not judging or shaming parents for doing them.
Odds are, even if you didn't mean to, you've told your kid some type of white lie at some point.
The Biggest Lie Of All
The biggest lie on this list has to be that you have even the slightest idea of how to do the parenting thing.
It doesn't matter how many manuals you read, the reality is that adults are just grown-up children figuring it out as they go.
The Secret To Eating Veggies
Kids just think they don't like veggies because it's a trend, but if you can trick them into believing they're eating something else, you'll realize it has nothing to do with the actual flavor.
Another example would be serving them veggies out of McDonald's packaging.
Five Minutes Isn't Too Much To Ask
Sometimes, all you need is just five minutes to yourself so you can spend the rest of the 23 hours and 55 minutes of the day giving your all to your children.
In the grand scheme of things, that doesn't seem like a lot to ask, no matter how you get that five-minute break.
The New It Game
This game is as beloved by parents as it is by children. Our only concern here is what happens to the child once they put their parent to bed?
Someone has to then make sure they make it to their beds, too, unless they want to wake up to a post-apocalyptic home.
