Here’s What You Have To Look Forward To In Your 40s, In Case Your 30s Were Too Easy
Every year of your life or decade that you enter is going to bring unique challenges to your life. There's always going to be something new to discover about yourself!
Turning 40 can feel like a big turning point for a lot of people, and in many ways it is, but it's not all bad. You can develop new hobbies, see your kids mature, become more stable in your career. On the other hand, you also have new aches and pains to look forward to (literally), among many other wonderful things.
The Hangovers Get Worse & Worse
Unfortunately, hangovers are not something that older people have been exaggerating about.
The older you get, the more that drink is going to affect you the next day. Suddenly, your hangover will last for three days even though you only had three beers in the span of a five-hour get-together.
The New Walk Of Shame
The true shame is if you're the last house to bring your garbage cans in from the curb.
If you're the person who waits two days to bring your cans in, you're being judged by the neighbors.
The Grocery Store Soundtrack Is Too Good
It's not just the grocery store, either.
You'll catch yourself singing along to the tunes at the doctor's office and in the elevator, too. As long as you're doing it quietly, you don't need to squash the habit.
Your Metabolism Is Not Your Friend
Your metabolism is another thing that you may have thought would never desert you, but you thought wrong.
Going to McDonald's four days a week is not going to work for you in the same way that it did in your 20s.
Every Twinge Could Mean That Death Is Imminent
Does that pain in your abdomen mean that you have stomach issues, or does it mean that your gallbladder has ruptured?
Your husband will probably start complaining about his kidney stones, too.
Saturday Night Excitement
Do yourself a favor: skip the whole awkward social interaction part where you spend two hours wishing you could be at home. Just stay at home instead.
You'll be much happier with your evening.
How Dare They Use Your Property!
The moment that the little things start to make you irrationally angry is the moment you'll really feel your age.
At first, you'll feel angry thinking someone is stopping by your house unannounced, then it'll transition into angry about them even daring to use your driveway.
Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Is All The Magic You Need
Sure, this might not have been the magical moment you dreamed of having in the future, but that doesn't take away the excitement!
Getting that stain out of your kitchen table is going to bring you more joy than you thought possible.
The Slightest Bump Leaves A Mark
You're going to have a lot of bruises, and most of their sources will be a mystery to you.
Did that bruise on your shin come from you bumping into the nightstand while trying to find the bathroom in the dark, or from your son ramming his toy train into your leg?
Your Interests Shift
It's important to find joy in the little things in life.
Previously, your idea of a good time was spending quality moments with your friends or family. Now it's finding quality ways to annoy your spouse or child to no end.
At What Age Do You Become A Fall Risk?
All it takes is one small trip over a toy left out or a piece of Lego on the stairs for it to all come crashing down—literally.
You and those brittle bones of yours need to be careful so you don't get injured.
It's Like Being Pregnant All Over Again
It's going to feel like your bladder is shrinking the older you get.
Be prepared to become the person who has to check if there'll be washrooms wherever they're going.
You've Become The Person Who Yells At Kids On Bikes
Once the word "whippersnapper" pops into your head unironically, you know that you're in trouble.
The smallest imposition will set your blood to boiling and you'll be stuck in a constant state of irritation over all the little things in life.
Saving Money Never Gets Old
Saving money is something that will never not be exciting, no matter how much of it you have.
You might have a stable job and be able to afford the overpriced drinks at that restaurant, but why would you?!
No Full-Body Mirrors In The House
From now on, all mirrors will be hung at head height.
You don't need to spend your time worrying about anything that's going on below your neck. It's not worth the effort.
Get Excited About That Lifetime Warranty
When you were in college, your mother probably tried to buy you Tupperware and you told her that you didn't want it. Oh, how mistaken you were back then...
Having a new set of great Tupperware where all the lids and containers match up? That's pure joy.
Sleeping Hurts, And It Hurts You
Sleeping is meant to be a time for your body to rest and recuperate.
Instead, it's become a time where you somehow hurt yourself more. You'll wake up with new pains that you gained overnight, and now it's your new normal to have a sore shoulder.
Some Grocery Stores Are Better Than Others
And also: yes, there is a right and a wrong way to grocery shop.
Do you go to the produce section first, then do the aisles, and finish off with the refrigerated section, or are you doing it wrong?
The New Hires Just Get Younger and Younger
Kevin also shared a follow-up to this tweet a few days later.
Turns out that his son's classmate had just been hired at his office and would now be his coworker.
A Weather Event Is Peak Excitement
When you were a kid, you probably didn't understand why your parents enjoyed watching the weather channel so much, but now you do.
Any tornado, tsunami, or blizzard happening in the world is sure to captivate your attention.
Time To Break Out The Melatonin
Your kids are old enough now that they'll sleep through the night, but your body has other ideas.
If you thought that your 40s would be the decade to catch up on sleep, you thought wrong.
This Doesn't Seem Like The Worst Thing...
If this is what we have to look forward to, we'd like to fast forward to this decade.
It seems like a great reason to adopt a couple of dogs and call it a day. Maybe toss in a few cats if you feel like it.
A Free Weekend Is Priceless
A weekend where you get to stay home without having to go to anyone's housewarming party or chauffeur your kids to soccer practice is a rare and wonderful occurrence.
A free weekend means you can accomplish anything you want—which means you get to accomplish nothing.
Why Go To The Effort Of Changing It?
Sure, you could go to the effort of trying to keep up with the trends of today, but why would you?
Your haircut has been working for the past five years, you might as well let it work for the next 10–15 too.
Walking To The Kitchen At Midnight Is Too Much Work
When your kids were young, you'd keep snacks on you at all times in case you needed something in an emergency.
Now, your kids are older, but you still keep snacks on hand for your own blood sugar regulation.
Lie There And Think About Your Bladder
Never again will you be able to fully sleep through the night without having to go to the bathroom at least once.
If you wake up between about 5 a.m. and 7 a.m., you'll also have to debate if you want to get up or not, knowing that you'll never be able to go back to sleep once you get up.
You Fit Right In!
When you were in your late 20s and wandered into a Hallmark store at the mall, you were probably greeted with a half-hearted "hello" and a suspicious look.
Now, though? Now is your time to shine. You're the target demographic, and you'll be treated like the royalty you are.
Think Of How Clean It'll Be
The satisfaction you'll feel when you're done cleaning out the garage and you get to throw away all that junk your wife has been hoarding for two years beats any vacation.
You can properly relax once you know it's clean.
It's Bed Or Bust
The days of being willing to stay over at a friend's house after a couple of glasses of wine and being okay with sleeping on the couch are long gone.
You'd much rather pay the cab fare and go home to your own bed.
Stick To Your Sleep Schedule
Having a solid sleep schedule is as important in your 40s as it was when you were a newborn baby.
If something happens to throw off that schedule, you'll be paying for it for days.
