Dad Shares His Kid’s Adorable Names For ‘Star Wars’ Characters And The Internet Responds With Their Own Kidisms
Kids—they live in a completely different world than us all. It's a strange land with unfamiliar things that look exactly like the stuff we have but are called completely different things. Ketchup? That's tomato blend in their language. And yeah, anytime you ask them to explain their "kidisms," you feel like you're tripping.
One dad, Brian Altano, drew a helpful map on Twitter for the names his 20-month-old daughter uses for Star Wars characters—and it's pretty incredible. The internet responded with their own kid sayings, and someone grab a dictionary because some of these aren't half bad.
I Would Watch A Movie About "Goop" Skywalker And His Friends
I mean, in an ideal world, Princess Leia wouldn't just be called "Yeah," Han Solo wouldn't be deli meat, and Jabba the Hutt wouldn't be known for his dad bod (because ours are superior), but we're not in an ideal world. We're in the mind of Brian's daughter, and it's all kinds of wonderful and weird.
This Kid Had Their Own Way Of Naming The Things They Saw
To be honest, this is exactly what I'm going to be calling crows from now on. Their celebrity status lives and dies in the month of October, and the rest of the year they're just those birds that you look up and see and say, "Hey is that a uhhh...raven?"
Garçon, I'll Have Your Pasta Pockets
As well he should because this is the greatest name for a pasta I've ever heard. They're the only functional and enjoyable pockets that women will ever have near their clothing—there, I said it. Fight me pasta patriarchy.
Those Dang Birds Are Out There Again Casting Spells
You know what, yeah, I can see exactly where she's coming from. It's all in those spindly legs that you can't quite figure out how they keep the bird upright. I don't trust those flamingo witches either, kid.
There Goes The Gunslinger, Billy The Band Kid
Because there's no way a cowboy would go and use a regular trumpet—that would be beneath them. It would ruin the tense atmosphere of every spaghetti Western if the antagonist gunslinger on the porch of the saloon was tooting away on a trumpet.
If You Ever Refer To Your Sheets Like This, Be Prepared To Sleep Alone Forever
If you're rolling out of your bed skins and starting your day, I officially don't want to be your friend. Moreover, I don't think you should be left alone in the bedding section in any store because it's just a matter of time before you traumatize a poor minimum wage employee.
I Mean...It Makes More Sense Than "Dehydrated"
Boom, Nobel Prize nominee right here. She made the world open up and make more sense to a confused little nobody like me. All of a sudden, I can answer with confidence when my kid asks why the sky is blue, and why mommy and daddy don't sleep in the same room.
If That's What She Wants To Call Dreams, That's Her Business. I Just Know I'm Never Sleeping Again
Yeah, um this is only moderately terrifying on the "am I going to sleep peacefully tonight" scale. She's not wrong, but it's scary how she's ended up being so right.
We Are Absolutely Renaming All Rhinos To This Metal Alternative
We should absolutely let kids rename everything because "battle unicorns" is the most metal animal I've ever heard of. This means we can call narwhals "submersible battle unicorns" and I'm so excited.
This 3-Year-Old Apparently Saw A Different R2D2 Than The Rest Of Us
This all makes sense until you get to R2D2 and you realize we're not in Kansas anymore. I'd love to know what blue-channel Star Wars bootleg this kid was watching by accident, because I have a feeling it wasn't the one we're all familiar with.
This Is Why Your Kid Never Went In This Room
Maybe this is why a ton of kids refuse to sit normally at the dining table or eat there at all. They feel the presence of death in the room, are about 65% sure it's coming from the veggies on their plate, and are itching to get away.
This Kid Knows Their Dragon Genetics
I'm not entirely sure how the mechanics of the union between a butterfly and a dragon would work, but hey, they're consenting adults in love and I don't judge. Not when they can fly and I still can't.
Dentures Are Just Full-Toupees For Your Mouth
Don't worry, kid. The only way you'll ever need a teeth wig is if you forget to brush them for days while you're in Las Vegas and substitute every oral care method you have with Listerine. I might be speaking from personal experience...
If The Olympics Called Cartwheels This Too, Maybe I'd Actually Watch
This is pretty insulting to starfish because they're clearly bitter about not being able to do anything except stick to rocks. And I relate to them on that level, since I haven't moved from a seated position in 12 hours and can't do a cartwheel either. This kid is rubbing it innnn.
Toy Story V: The House On Elm St.
Not to hit anyone with a fan theory here, but as it turns out, Andy from Toy Story actually lived on Elm St. So it's not unreasonable to assume that Toy Story exists in the same universe as Freddy Krueger. I'm not saying Andy grew up to be him...but his neighbor Sid? Oh man, that kid was going dark places.
Okay, Hear Me Out...Socks = Feet Gloves?
Get ready to have an interesting time going into Macy's and shopping for your next pair of winter hand socks. They're going to love you. Just smile a lot and take a bunch of perfume samples.
This Rename Smells About Right
Actually, let's get a petition going to change skunks to stunks. I would love that because not only does it make a whole lot more sense, but it will save you the precious seconds you need to explain what they are to your kid before they run blindly towards one trying to grab its tail.
I'm All For This One So My Siri Will Finally Know I Mean Business When I Ask Her To Do Something
This kid means business, and it's all very serious business. She's not looking for an "approximation" about the kinds of temperatures we're going to be hitting this weekend. She needs cold, hard facts from Siri.
To Be Fair, This Name Is Now Weirder Than The Original For This Fried Batter
Hush puppies, listen up! Why are you called the name you're called? Clearly, you're confusing some poor kid. In what way is a ball of fried cornmeal in any way associated with a dog or being quiet? Help?
I'm Glad This Biologist Kid Got The Justice He Deserved
He clearly had some intel that we didn't, and I'm glad this kid stuck to his linguistic guns and called it like he saw it. Though, I'm pretty sure this knowledge would ruin it for any big game hunter looking to bag a "tiny moose."
Except These Clouds Aren't The Fun Ones You Wanna Stick Your Head In
Is now the time for the environment talk? To talk about air pollution? Is 3 too early? Is 4 too old? Just like every other hard talk to bring up, I'm just going to let the education system handle this one.
What Marvin The Martin Says When He's Feeling Unsociable
This also works if you're actually driving a spaceship. But the only way you'd be driving a spaceship is if you had one too many supernova shots at your local alien-themed restaurant.
"Pizza Without Bones Please" Is My New Way To Order Pizza
This is absolutely correct, but it doesn't help you make your case to the health board that pizza is a "vegetable," because veggies don't have bones. We can work with this, though, in the quest to make it socially acceptable to eat pizza at every meal. We'll just have to change it to "dense cellulose structures."
So Following This Logic, An Undertaker Is Basically A Gardener...Right?
Death shouldn't scare us because it literally happens to every single one of us. And if you're still a little fearful, just think of it as being planted. That's not so bad, right?
Them Yard Rats Are Out Screaming In The Trees Again
Listen, I'm all for animals or whatever, but in what world are squirrels generally accepted as animals whose well-being I should care about? Maybe if they stop screaming when I pass near "their" tree on my property, then I'll start caring.
Why Is This Kid My New Favorite Cartographer?
Every river, stream, channel, gulf, and lake should be called a "learning ocean." Although, when you're trying to celebrate the 4th of July with your friends and a few brews on the water, there's not a whole lot of learning going on.
"Shefreepeewoah" Sounds Like An Organic Skincare Company
Amakin and Wook Guywalker sound like a couple of brothers who left their restrictive conservative household and opened up a massage parlor where they only use their feet. May the serenity and lumbar support be with you.
Ah Yes, Train Kittens, My Favorite Furry Little Babies That I Swat Out Of My Garbage Every Morning
I agree with all of the above, but I would like for this kid to grow up a little bit and discover that rats aren't cute little cuddly kitten creatures. They're nasty. Maybe he'll change their names to "train demons" in the future.
When My Unfit Wheezing Body Does This, It's Called "Slowing"
Yeah, what's that like, kid? What's it like even being in the realm of "fast"? The only time I ever get close is when I accidentally press the gas too hard before my wife screams at me to slow down. That rush lasts maybe five seconds.
I Don't Understand It, But I Will Use This Forever
Let's unpack this. There are two halves to an English muffin, just like there are two halves to a bagel. However, bagels have a hole in them, while English muffins are complete. Their friendship completely fills the void they have, and honestly, it's a stretch but it's beautiful.
