Dad Jokes That Are So Fatherly They’ll Chip Away At Your Soul
We love our dads and their punny senses of humor. The way they can time themselves to tell the jokes when you least want them to is truly iconic. Me: can you help me change this lightbulb? Dad: lightbulb, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
People have compiled a list of all their favorite dad jokes and it will have you either taking notes or remembering back to your own childhood. Readerly discretion is advised: you will have a handprint in the middle of your forehead from how hard you'll be facepalming.
This Who-Dunnit?
If you've been around any dad for more than 5 minutes, or have been a dad yourself for that time, you know the value of a good corny joke set up. If you're an Office fan, this is the new "smells like updog in here" joke and it's all pure corny gold.
What if an owl dad was to tell this to his owl children? Would it land? Or would they find the stereotype that they only say "who" offensive? Whooooo knows.
This Dad Thought That Origami Just "Wasn't For Me"
Reddit user kianr1 says that this is the only joke their dad ever uses: "I took up origami for a while, but I gave it up because it was too much paperwork." Do you get it? It's because the origami industry is a broken bureaucratic system based on checks and balances.
This dad probably realized the paper airplanes he made in the 4th grade while the teacher wasn't looking don't have the same pizzazz as the origami crane sitting on a pizza slice that some ten-year-old made from a YouTube video nowadays.
This Furniture Joke Will Have You Returning All Your Ikea Giftcards
This joke is sure to slay the crowds at the furniture store. This is where every dad cuts his teeth with his comedy prowess when telling chair-centric jokes. You can often see a dad prowling the aisles of the local Ikea waiting for a good-humored soul to wander across his path so he can deliver his material.
This dad joke works on 2 levels: it's got the corny element but it's also relatable since every dad in the universe loves his recliner. It's one of the staples of Feng Shui decorating –– for every dad, there must be a recliner.
This Dad Who Technically Wasn't Wrong
Reddit user moonpie57 shares that their dad's favorite joke was "what do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? They both have the same middle name." Ha ha ha, okay we'll allow it.
Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh also have another thing in common –– they were both rulers of their domain. Sure, the Hundred Acre Wood technically didn't have a hierarchy in place, but we all know who the show was named after and who Christopher Robin sought the advice of. That kind of psychological domination puts many a Grecian general to shame.
This Good Ol' Yolk That Always Leaves The Crowd Laughing
This joke is very much time and place specific. If you or your dad tells the waitress this one in the middle of a Sunday morning breakfast rush at 10:30 then she might see red and won't appreciate the dad-humor. Save this for the ghost-town that is Denny's at 6 pm when you're getting the lumberjack slam for dinner.
If you've ever waited tables you know that the minute the hostess seats a middle-aged man you need to mentally prepare yourself for fielding dad jokes and breaking out that fake laugh. For every tooth you show, that's another $1 on the tip.
You Are What You Ask Your Dad To Make You To Eat
Reddit user Kyizen says their dad used to hit them with the meta-humor when they would say "I'm hungry can you make me a peanut butter sandwich" and he would respond "poof, you are a peanut butter sandwich."
Yer dad is a wizard Harry. Either that or he's completely reluctant to get up and make you a sandwich so he's resorted to humor to distract you from the situation. This dad idiom is less of a joke and more of a subliminal message you should grow up and do things yourself.
Waiters Beware, You're Apparently A Dad Joke Target Audience
Oh here's another classic waiter joke because apparently a captive audience who will quietly laugh at anything you say is the perfect testing ground for all your dad material. Can I get a Coke with no ice and a round of applause every time I balance a spoon on my nose?
This is actually a really funny joke, it's just too bad it's being told at a restaurant. If you want to use this in your everyday life you can go to grocery stores where they use the cardboard boxes. That's an untapped dad-joke audience.
This Joke That Is Sure To Slay If You're Wearing A Shirt
Reddit user Cheese_Pancakes shares the funny joke their dad makes when he asks "nice shirt, is that felt?" To which they reply "no," and then he'll reach over, touch it, and say "it is now!"
This creative zinger can work in any place where people are wearing shirts. All a dad has to do is stay out of nudist communities and cotillion lunch-ins where the women are all wearing dresses. Can you imagine the frustration of the nudist dad who always wanted to tell this joke but never could? You can't perform this level of comedy with skin references.
This Dad Sure Milked This Joke
We all know not to cry over spilled milk, but do we know that we're also not supposed to let bagged milk humor go to waste? Dads have a lot to teach us, and one of these things is to never let an opportunity to completely derail the conversation with a customer service professional go to waste.
This joke wouldn't work in certain parts of Canada where milk already comes bagged without a carton. No doubt Canadian dads right now are in low-lit think tanks with one overhead swinging lightbulb brainstorming how to make this joke work.
He'll Raise The Dead And Some Laughter With This One
Reddit user Vlaed shared their dad's favorite graveyard joke: "why do graveyards have gates? Because people are dying to get in." Hopefully, he didn't tell this one during a funeral he was attending, because that would be a tough crowd.
If only graveyards had the typical outside the club scene with bouncers, guest lists, and midnight hotdog vendors selling their street meats to really complete the "dying to get in" vibe. You've always thought about buying one of those hotdogs but you were never quite drunk enough to do that to yourself.
You May Not Have A Pulse Either After This Graveyard Dad Joke
Who here's a fan of a good old fashioned live burial joke? Just Quentin Tarantino, 18th-century coroners, and dads? It's a niche audience but they deserve to be acknowledged nonetheless.
This dad clearly hasn't watched enough scary movies to know about live burials and that's alright. The last thing we want to do is rain on this dad's parade or send his sense of humor 6 feet under. If you hear some yelling coming from the ground that's just earth's plates shifting.
Back It Up For This Retro Dad
Hkatsupreme shares what their dad thinks qualifies as humor –– when his dad puts the car in reverse he says "ahhh, this takes me back." Indeed it does, indeed it does.
This joke doesn't work nearly as well if you're driving stick. You'd have to shout over the grinding noise of the clutch, brace yourself against the jerkiness to deliver this line with some power in your voice, and fend off the internal questions as to why you bought a manual in the first place. A clutch doesn't make your Honda Civic a Lamborghini, Jeremy.
Of Course, This Dad Has Heard Of Cows. You Gotta Mooove On!
Do you like cows? Well, so does this dad. What about liking them enough to construct a conversational dad joke that depends on wordplay and your audience questioning your use of a single word in a very specific way that follows your narrative and sets up your punch line? Maybe not.
This joke is risky because there is a very low chance of someone actually responding in the way that the joke requires. If your audience just calls you dumb for not knowing the word then you're left stranded in comedy no-man's-land. That's a dad's biggest nightmare.
Failing To Participate In Nap Time Is A Serious Offense
Reddit user Achiles_Heals posts that their favorite dad joke is the age-old question: "if a child doesn't want to take a nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?" Yes, he is. Cuff him and book him boys, this is a repeat nap avoider offender.
Those half-closed eyes that stare at you over a binky are the eyes of a hardened criminal who doesn't care if you throw the book at them. Go on, charge them with snack time encroachment and illegal concealed loaded diaper carry. They're used to the law coming down on them.
They Just Don't Make Bars As Opaque As They Used To
Some days we walk the walk and talk the talk. Other days we walk right into the things that are impeding us from living our best lives. We can't always be the cool cats in our heads, and this dad joke just understands that.
You've probably gone to a bar and wished that some of the patrons would've had this happen to them. Specifically, that guy who keeps ordering strangers tequila shots and requesting Thunderstruck 8 times in a row. He's better off stuck outside walking into walls trying to find the door than in here.
This Joke Will Cremake Your Day
Reddit user tickle19 joins the macabre club and says that their favorite dad joke is: "anyone can get buried when they die, but if you want to be cremated you have to urn it."
Actually, you don't have to earn it anymore, you can get in by knowing somebody there and getting a recommendation. If you're referred by a friend who's already in the cemetery, you'll get 10% off your next cremation and funeral service.
You Can't Fool This Dad On How Socks Are Designed
We've got a fashion designer in our midst folks. This dad has heard your jokes about camouflage making people disappear and he's had enough of comedic surrealism. He wants you to be honest and he's here to make sure that happens.
Your socks do have holes in them no matter what you do. So next time you go to Target and buy socks to replace the ones that have holes in them, just know that the process is futile because your socks will always. have. holes. How's that for existential turmoil?
This Dad Knows All About Amphibious Parking Infractions
Reddit user ProtectedCesc shares that their go-to dad joke is a ribbeting one: "what do you call an illegally parked frog. A toad." Do you get it? Toad, like towed. But for frogs. This is gold.
This frog has heard this joke and immediately gotten scared about the car he's had parked on the lily pad on 5th Street for 3 days while he romped around town. He's about to go check on it and make sure it's still here as soon as he's done posing.
Brick By Brick These Dads Will Build Their Jokes
If your dad hasn't told you this one then you're really missing out on a great funny and a really valuable life lesson that they don't teach in schools. Sure, common sense is supposed to be common, but sometimes it's helpful to know what you shouldn't sink your teeth into.
A brick. Don't eat bricks. This dad joke is pure artistry in its simplicity. Of course, some part of our animal brain knows not to eat bricks, but did you really consciously know that? Yeah probably. Anyway, it's still hilarious.
This One Would Get Old Quick If You Were On A Photography Schedule
Reddit user UnnOwN769 shares this honestly grating dad joke. Every time someone says "I took the photo" that dad in question responds with "well that's rude, you should give it back."
This is another time and place joke. If you're in a time-sensitive situation, think the Malcolm in the Middle 20+ person family portrait, then maybe stopping the photographer to crack one out isn't the best idea. Vacationing with a dad who loved this one would be impossible too.
