Children’s Toys That Are Going To Haunt Your Dreams
The world of children's toys is a hard one to navigate. First off, there are some that are just plain weird—like, why would a kid want to play with that?—secondly, there are these off-brand gems that are straight-up terrifying.
Let's not forget the toys from the past that seem to have been created just to haunt you.
What Is Happening Here?
When you hear someone talk to you about wanting a man pony, is this what you would envision? No, I'm really asking because I'm not too sure what is happening here.
Girl Is All Legs
Did they think that it was never going to happen that a child would one day take the sweater off the bear and find this hiding underneath? It's like a stuffed Slenderman.
Minnie Will Look After You
If the goal of this light is to help a little kid not be so afraid of the dark, I am here to tell you that it's going to do the opposite of that.
Why? Just Why?
OK, someone really needs to explain to me and the whole world, I think, why this is a thing that exists. In no universe should anyone ever be shaving a baby.
I Can Hear This Toy
This looks like someone forgot a piece in the middle, or they have a super skewed idea of what dinosaurs looked like. This is like a lizard-person morphing into the political candidate they're going to run as.
Looks Like Someone Picked The Wrong Package
Imagine your kid comes up to you with these and wants to play "police officer," and you feel super weird about it because they're pink and fluffy? Don't buy toys from the dollar store.
Does It Also Call You Daddy?
Look, I get that companies have to figure out a way to package and sell their toys, but I've got to say this looks like they could have made some other decisions.
At Least It's Environmentally Friendly?
At least the factory where this horse came from is trying to be good about not wasting anything. No one would ever have known if they didn't drop it and see the horse pop open.
No Wonder The Dinosaurs Went Extinct
Is this some kind of joke that people in the toy industry are in on? Why does it look like this stuffed dino hasn't slept in days and has participated in some extra special activities, if you know what I mean?
Oh Great, A Haunted Piano
When they put the packaging together for this piano, do you think that they knew they were creating one of the scariest pieces of packings of all time? I would have put this straight back.
An Attempt Was Made
McDonald's really did their best when they made this little "arctic fox." It really does look like a bear who got squished while sleeping or something. I'm not getting "fox" at all here.
"Shhh, It Will All Be Over Soon"
Elmo has never been your friend. All this time, he's just been trying to figure out how to win over everyone's trust so he could worm his way into people's hearts only to break them.
Don't Mess With Her
There is a reason so many people like The Golden Girls, and it is out of fear. They knew how jacked those old ladies were under all those clothes, and they would come for you.
Throw It In The Fire
That doll looks like it knows that it is creepy and weird and will probably end up in the niche collection of someone who thinks they're way cooler and edgier than they actually are.
I Think That's A Threat
When they said to make a "Try Me" baby, they didn't mean one that was going to look like it would win in a knife fight. She is coming for you, and she doesn't even feel bad about it.
What Even Is This?
Is this what they use in Driver's Ed now to try and make you feel like you have people to protect in the car? Because, if so, they're going to end up with some crashed cars.
Just What Every Kid Wants
Would you buy your kids a robbery playset? Kids are very impressionable, and they're gonna say they want to grow up to rob banks. That would probably make for an awkward parent-teacher meeting.
This Won't Go Wrong At All
Scissors that you can smell? Does that really seem like a good idea to anyone? Who comes up with this stuff? My guess is someone who doesn't deal with kids on a regular basis.
Well, That Makes Sense
Answer me this: Why would you make a hard plastic version of a stuffed animal toy? They missed an opportunity to make the stuffed animal version of Bunny, not whatever this is.
Look At That Smile
This is actually kind of cute and would have been a real win if the teeth were in the right spot. Maybe this shark just has a wicked underbite and he's just owning it.
Is That Where Those Go?
When you're putting a store together, where do you think you should put the knives? Right next to the kids' toys? Yes, that totally makes sense and we should do that.
Still Cute, Though
This is what happens when you buy a blow-up swan from the dollar store. It's tiny and it has its head put on the wrong way. Still cute, though, isn't it?
A Real Collector's Item
The face on that Simba figure is one that is going to go down in history as one of the funniest looking faces I've ever seen. He looks like he needs to use the bathroom.
Learning Our Animals Is Important
Learning our animals would be a lot easier if the right animals were on the box of the wooden toy kit! Though, I can see how someone would confuse a gopher and mouse.
You OK, Buddy?
He looks like he's been asked to smile one too many times and he's going to lose it. What is more upsetting, maybe, is that random giant leg it comes with. Why?
I Feel That
There is a point in every summer where you really aren't feeling summer anymore and really do want the sun to go to hell. Oh, wait, it's supposed to say HELLO sunshine... OK, I get it now.
Someone Had A Night To Remember
Only, they're not going to remember it if they've had enough to drink to throw up like that, now are they? He just needs some Gatorade and a good long shower in the dark.
This Is Uncomfortable
Why is Patrick flesh-colored? Like, let us just get down to it and address the worst thing about these sad SpongeBob statues. I feel bad. Someone obviously tried their best, but come on.
This Is Confusing
Are we supposed to slide down this, or climb up it? Is there a way that we can do both? Very confused about what this piece of playground equipment is for.
Need A Ride?
If you get on this car for a ride, I promise you it's not going to go anywhere good. You'll probably take a lovely drive through all your regret and your darkest moments.
