Tweets About The Chaos That Is Back To School Season
Ah yes, back to school season. A time for laughter, tears, Pinterest trends, and overall chaos. All summer you told yourself that this school year would be different, that you'd be the parent who always packs healthy lunches and never forgets to turn in a permission slip.
That first day of school rolls around and everything you planned goes completely out the window. Your kid who has never thrown a temper tantrum? He threw one as you were walking out the door. That new skirt your daughter picked out the night before? She hates it now. You have to be prepared for anything.
School Survival Guide
If you ever want to test your survival skills and see if you make it through the apocalypse or the next sharknado, go to your local Target the day before school starts.
You and every other parent will be there trying to get everything off that list of school supplies that your kid's new teacher sent home, muttering to yourselves "I don't know why he needs separate notebooks for every subject as well as brand new markers but fine."
No More Pinterest Trends
PSA to all mothers out there: enough with the tiny chalkboards and letter boards. Yes, it's a cute idea you saw on Pinterest that seems like a good idea now, but realistically you're not going to remember to do this every year from pre-school to grade 12 so you might as well quit while you're ahead.
Also, we all know that your five-year-old didn't write in perfect calligraphy that he wants to be a doctor when he grows up.
Please Don't Be The Worst One
There's a certain fear that comes with sending your kids off to school, especially if it's their first time. What if they're the worst behaved child? What if all the other moms judge you because your kid is the one that hit someone else on the playground?
Or even worse, what if your kid ends up being... the teacher's pet. That would be the worst. Truly embarrassing for you as a parent.
All You Want Is To Sleep In
For two months, your peaceful quiet summer vacation has been filled with children waking you up at all hours of the night or morning. All you wanted was to sleep in past 6:30 and to not be woken up by your daughter poking you in the face.
Then these ungrateful children have the audacity to not get up for school despite you asking them repeatedly? How dare they do this to you.
Pics Or It Didn't Happen
If you don't document your kids' first day of school and post it to Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, did it even count? You might as well just not send them at all.
It can be overwhelming for parents to try to pick out that perfect Pinterest-worthy outfit. It has to be just right, just enough color but also stylish enough that it might go viral. That's the goal in 2019, and if you don't meet it, you've basically ruined your child's entire school year.
A Lesson In Responsibility
The key is to have your kids pack their own bags and lunches for school, and if they question why you're not doing it, tell them you're teaching them about responsibility. Responsibility is an important value to learn about at a young age, okay? It's all about how you spin it!
Just supervise from a distance, and by "distance" we mean from the couch with your eyes closed while you nurse your second cup of coffee.
A One Time Deal
Maybe you're one of those parents who goes hard for the first day of school and starts prepping two days before. Good for you! You managed to get all your kids out the door, on time, with all their lunches, and everyone's shoes were on the right feet.
Don't fall into the trap of believing that every morning will be like this though. Two months from now you'll think back to this day and remember the long-lost calm you felt that day as you now listen to your two sons yell at each other about whose lunch bag is better.
Never Trust Them
Always remember to check your child's backpack. Always. No matter how good of a student they are, they will forget to tell you about an assignment or a permission slip for a field trip.
Even if they say they don't have any homework, or that they "don't have any work for over the summer" don't believe them. It's a trap. Don't end up in a situation like Simon where he needs to help his child read 12 books in 24 hours.
Do You Love Your Children Enough To Buy The Buttons?
School pictures are the time when parents learn how much they really love their children, and you learn who the favorite child is.
You're either the parent who orders the bare minimum package where you get one wallet-sized picture and a 5x7 of each kid, or you're the parent who orders the full package for each kid that includes key chains, magnets, buttons, as well as multiple wallet-sized photos and 5x7s so you can have one for the office, one for your car, and six for grandma.
Rush Hour
So you've managed to get everyone out the door, we don't need to talk about how many minutes later it was then you had planned, and now you're on the way to school. Then you get there and remember what you'd suppressed the entire summer: the chaos that is school drop-off.
Someone's first grader is crying, which sets off two other first graders. Someone is running after their child whose backpack is wide open and everything is falling out.
The Countdown Is Always On
It's not that you don't love spending every hour of every day with your children for two months straight (other than that one glorious week where you managed to send all the kids to summer camp), but it can be a lot. That's a lot of father-daughter bonding.
After many hours spent listening to your sons fight over who gets to ride the bike and who gets to ride the scooter, and many hours of your daughter saying "I'm boooored," you're ready for them to go back.
Every Season Is Germ Season
A new school year means dozens of new children for your kid to catch a cold from, which will then spread to your entire household. We're not even going to talk about the vaccination debacle, we're strictly talking about the flu and/or cold germs that every kid will catch at some point in the year.
Also: head lice. If you get home that little slip of paper that says a child in your son's class may have head lice, it's time to prepare for the worst. Might as well just buzz all your children's hair off as a precaution.
It's Always Wine O'Clock
"Back to school" should be its own brand of wine for every parent out there to purchase or for every parent to give to teachers at that first parent-teacher conference where you have to apologize for your misbehaving second grader.
Whether you just got back from spending $300 on school supplies at Wal-Mart or you just had to sit through the third-grade talent show (where no one seemed to possess any real talent), a glass of wine is always warranted.
Morning Entertainment
We'll say it louder for the people in the back: mornings are hard for parents! Mornings are peak chaos in any household, regardless of how organized you are.
Sometimes you manage to shower and get yourself ready for work before any of your kids scream your name, other mornings you have two children interrupting you while you try to go to the bathroom. If you manage to get all your kids to school in the morning, who cares if you wore those yoga pants for the past four days. It's about priorities!
Take All My Money!
Why are glue sticks and safety scissors so expensive? Seriously. No parent wants to shell out $100 for each kid to get a new backpack, folders, that sparkly pencil case every cool kid has plus mechanical pencils and every other thing on the school supplies list.
You know two weeks from now your son is going to come home and say he lost that Spiderman pencil case you just bought him or your daughter will have lost that Peppa Pig lunch bag she begged for, but you buy it anyways.
Thanks, But No Thanks Pinterest
If you have time to make a Pinterest-worthy lunch for your kids every day, that's great, but if you don't, don't sweat it. Your son won't be offended if you don't make him a vegan bento box every day for lunch, he'll be happy with PB&J!
Strive for healthy, sure. Toss in an apple or some carrot sticks, go crazy and toss in two fruits for all we care, but don't worry about it being perfect. You have bigger fish to fry.
Don't Make It Too Obvious
Parents don't be surprised if your kids get offended that you started the "Back to School" countdown on day one of summer vacation. Try to hold off until the first month is done, or at least until day two of vacation. You can't let them know that you aren't absolutely thrilled to have them home with you all the time.
Pro tip: start the countdown a week or two before they actually go back so then you can play it off as "I'm doing it to mentally prepare you, it's not for me."
Extracurricular Activities Are A Scam
On top of making sure he always has his trumpet with him, you'll also have to be responsible for either driving to school an hour earlier than usual or picking him up an hour later even though all his siblings catch the bus.
Extracurricular activities in general are a trap. Instead, encourage your kids to be social outcasts and not join any after school sports, that way you never have to make sure they have their running shoes or their volleyball kneepads.
The Sound Of Silence
Every parent knows the best part about your kids going back to school is that even though it can be really stressful to get them out the door in the morning, once they've left, you get the house to yourself!
Even if only half your kids are school-aged and you still have one or two little ones at home, it'll still be far more peaceful than the last two months were with all of them together.
The Indifference Comes Quickly
By the end of week one or two, you're already at the point where your kids are sick of talking about school. They don't remember what they learned in History that day, and they definitely don't want to talk about what they learned in Math class.
Luckily, you also didn't want to talk about what they learned in Math class, so it all works out for the best! You're living off the high of that back to school life, knowing that for 8 hours a day, your kids are someone else's responsibility.
This Is A One Time Occurrence
You already know that you're going to be the parent who never has her hair or makeup fully done when she drops off her kids at school every morning, but you're determined to be that mom on the first day.
Let every other perky parent see how great and put together you are on that first day, then hope that that's the image that sticks with them for the rest of the school year.
There's The Realistic Photo
The problem with having teenagers—well, one of them—is that they remember what school is like. When your kids are little they forget what school is like over the course of the summer so you can convince them it's going to be great.
Teenagers aren't going to fall for your same tricks. They know exactly what's going to be waiting for them inside the doors of that school, and they're ready to put up a fight.
Practice Makes Perfect
They say that you should practice in an environment that's similar to what the real-life thing will be, so it doesn't make sense to practice getting ready for school on a perfect day.
Perfect days don't exist when it comes to back to school, so you might as well start practicing working in chaos. Throw in some yelling toddlers, a lost backpack, and two mismatched shoes for the most realistic morning environment.
They Can Never Know The Truth
Even if a small part of you is sad to be sending them off to school for another year because it means they're growing up and becoming little fully formed people, a part of you is also thrilled.
They don't need to know that you had a dance party in the car after they walked into the school without crying, but you can find joy in that moment. You can also take pleasure in coming home to an empty, quiet house.
She Must Get The Attitude From Her Father
When you see that your child has written something like this on her homework assignment you have two choices. Option one is you can tell her to erase and rewrite a proper answer because that's what you do in school.
Option two, though, is you pretend that you didn't see it or you "forgot" to check it before she put it in her backpack because she's right. Who assigns homework on the first day?
Set Him Up For Success
Every parent wants their kid to be the cool kid in school, or at least to be well-liked and have some good friends. It's a simple desire, you just want your kid to be happy.
While you don't have control over what happens once he goes into the school, you can equip him with the tools he needs to succeed. In this case, fireworks and a Snickers bar would definitely impress a band of eight-year-old boys.
They Grow Up So Fast Don't They?
As your children get older they luckily grow out of things like needing your help going to the bathroom or picking out their outfit for the first day of school, but new problems arise.
Make sure you appreciate those years that he's happy to pose in his new shirt on the first day of school (even if he needed your help to change four times), because soon he'll be hiding from your camera.
It Doesn't Count Unless There Are Pictures
You don't have to feel guilty about posting photos of your children all over your Facebook feed, but you also don't have to feel guilty if you choose not to.
Half of your friends on Facebook are the same parents who you just saw at the drop-off in the morning anyway, so they already know what your kid looked like. Not posting on Facebook doesn't mean they'll take your parent card away permanently.
You Did This To Yourself
Every year you tell yourself that you're going to have a transitional period for your kids at the end of the summer so they can ease back into the mindset of getting up early and going to school.
Unfortunately, you tell yourself this every year, but you continue to fail to actually implement it and you're left with a bunch of kids wide awake at 9 pm the night before school starts, and some very tired, cranky children the first morning.
It Doesn't Get Any Better Than That
If your kid tells you that their day was "fine" that means it was a 6 or 7/10 which is a pretty solid day by our accounts.
Just think, wouldn't you rather them tell you that their day was "fine" every time you ask them rather than them launching into a 30 minute rant the whole ride home about how terrible it was or how they never want to go back? Accept that "fine" equals good.
That's What We All Say
We all say we're going to get started on something once we have fewer distractions, but do we always follow up? In many cases, no, so that’s where I can sympathize with this lady.
Social media is a fun place to hang out and waste time when you have other things to do. Can you blame her for wanting to post some tweets instead of cleaning the house a bit? It’s only going to get dirty again.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Boys will be boys as they say. Competing for the better card is what the young boys like to do because one wants to be better than the other one.
Also, they're both under ten, so that allows them to have some more immaturity in them. As long as no one gets hurt over the colorful cards, this mom shouldn’t have much to worry about. Besides, they’re trying to be good in school so that’s a good enough reason to let them be.
There's A Lot Of Sarcasm Here
Banana nut muffins are some of the best treats ever. If you make them vegan, then you're only getting more benefits from the tasty snack. This lady doesn’t seem to care much about all of that.
As long as she has her Pop-Tarts (Costco-sized), then everything is going to be just fine. Maybe one day she’ll make the transition to vegan and question why she ever loved Pop-Tarts so much. Until then, bring on the sugar.
What Did You Expect?
After spending months inside with your own children or other people, spending eight hours a day with growing kids could be a hassle. Asking for a sub on the first day doesn't seem too bad.
If this teacher continues to ditch classes for recovery, then maybe a real vacation is in the works. You can’t have your students going too long without their real teacher. They might end up liking the sub more than the original.
Both Are Free!
This was probably the moment these two waited for forever. The chance to stop going to school and stop having an immense responsibility that comes with being a father sounds golden on paper.
Too bad this dad and son combo probably didn't get very far with their plan. I’m sure his wife wasn’t having any of that. If she saw them doing sprints away from each other, she’d probably lose her mind after realizing they aren’t playing a silly game.
Amma Is Going Places
For kids, Christmas is one of their favorite times of the year. They get free stuff, they're on Christmas vacation, and they get to eat sweets! There isn’t much they could want.
That’s why Amma here keeps that date locked in her mind to help her power through the day. She’s almost like an athlete dreaming about the championship. It’s the first day of school for her mom, but it’s one day closer to the presents for Amma.
The Sign Of A Mother
Only moms with kids in school can relate to this one. Even if you aren’t a mother with children, you can imagine this scenario in your head pretty perfectly. I can see the lunchbox waving in the air now.
This is just an example of a great mother. Not caring who sees her their holes in their clothes. Their main mission is making sure their kid gets to school with everything they need, especially their food.
Rookie Mistake
When doing the dishes around the kids during school season, you should never leave anything wet after doing the dishes. At any moment the kids can take out a form you need to sign and place it in a wet spot.
They don't look that hard to know there’s a giant puddle there. They just want you to sign their permission slip so that they can join their friends on the field trip. Keep the counters dry.
She's Got A Point
Whenever kids complain, they have no idea what it's like to live in the real world. They think video games and their friends are all they need. Then they grow up and become like this lady.
You can either keep looking at life the way she is, or find something to embrace. If she keeps this up, she'll be more depressed than Pooh’s friend, Eeyore. That’s the last thing you want from life, so I hope she gets it together.
There Are Two Kinds Of People In This World
One person likes to stay prepared because if you stay ready, you won't have to get ready. Then you have the one who waits until the last minute so stress can rise.
Maybe, some people perform better under pressure. Maybe, folks don’t like being ahead of the curve when you easily can be. There’s no right or wrong way to back to school shopping, but the most painful way is waiting until the last minute.
