Perfectly Savage Parenting Moves Most Parents Would Only Mutter Under Their Breath
Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs on the planet. Not only do you have to keep a fumbling, tiny human alive, but you also have to raise them into a fully-functioning person with values and a personality. It's a commitment that takes at minimum 18 years, thousands of dollars, and your blood, sweat, and tears.
After pouring so much of themselves into their kids (who can be bratty--I know I was an annoying little jerk growing up), parents deserve to bite back. Besides, it helps children build character. Here are some of the most savage things parents have said and done to their offspring.
Teaching The Value Of Punctuality
As a member of a sports team, it's important to be punctual to show your respect for the coach and your teammates. This dad went out of his way to make sure his son would take accountability for his tardiness, no matter what prevented him from showing up on time.
Why Are You Trying To Flex?
Parents are great at reminding us who we are and keeping us down-to-earth whenever we get caught up in our social lives. Bless this mom for giving her daughter a harsh reality check that we can laugh at.
Trust No One, Not Even Us
We live in a cruel, dark world where people will hurt you. The ones who say they will never betray your trust eventually will let you down. These parents are kindly teaching their child the ways of the world at an early age. Goodbye, youthful naivety!
How To Overcome Heartbreak
Heartbreak is inevitable. All we can do is accept it and find healthy, positive ways to move on. There's no need to mope and cry — that's annoying to everyone else around you.
Treat Others The Way You Want To Be Treated
This dad is helping his daughter develop relationship skills by teaching her the golden rule. Past actions have consequences, and not everyone can forgive and forget, so it's crucial to treat others exactly how you want to be treated in the future.
You Aren't That Special
As much as most parents want their children to feel special within a world of billions, sometimes they also have to remind their children that they may not be as wonderful and unique as they believe. It's hard, but it must be done.
The Importance Of Moderation
Nothing in excess; all things in moderation. This mother is teaching her child how to drink responsibly. Extra parenting points for also encouraging environmentalism by giving her kid a reusable container rather than disposable plastic cups!
Sometimes Fear Is The Best Motivator
Is it better to be loved or feared? Both, duh. Sometimes the best way to ensure good behavior is to know that there are fatal consequences with bad behavior. I bet those kids did not complain about the broccoli once and ate every last bite on their plates.
Prioritize Those Who Matter Most To You
As much as we wish we could give all of our love to everyone all the time, prioritizing the people in your life who bring you joy and love is essential to achieving happiness. This dad just gets it: dogs > humans.
Dark Humor Can Be Cathartic
If I was a parent and I had to watch Peppa Pig on a regular basis with my child, I would definitely feel motivated to imagine that cartoon piglet as a pile of sliced ham. Bon appetite, kiddos.
Talk Back, Get Smacked (Virtually)
If you talk back and try to sass your parents, you better be prepared for the wrath that follows. This dad knows exactly how to hit where it hurts, and people on the internet are more than willing to help scheme up the perfect, devastating revenge.
Set Safe Boundaries
This dad understands the importance of following the speed limit and being a safe driver on the road. His commitment to ensuring his kids, who don't have the same driving experience as he does, do the same is an example of amazing social responsibility.
Be Grateful For The Sacrifices Your Parents Have Made For You
Mothers go through a lot of pain and suffering to bring their children into the world. They at least deserve Instagram likes on photos and the occasional comment or two. Keep those notifications coming!
Abstinence Is The Only 100% Effective Form Of Birth Control
We have to give this Dad an A+ for this comment! He delivers a relevant and witty joke, celebrates abstinence, and embarrasses her daughter online all in one short sentence.
Alexa, Play "Truth Hurts" By Lizzo
Some people will lie to you to make you feel better about yourself, but this mom is definitely not one of them. At least she knows her mom will never let her buy an unflattering outfit.
It's Important To Manage Your Funds Well
Mo' money, mo' problems, am I right? Cheers to this dad for teaching his son the value of maintaining good credit and responsible asset management in the most hilarious way possible!
Work Smarter, Not Harder
She saw her opportunity, she knew how to manipulate her son, and she made her play. This is all around brilliant and I'm inspired by her ingenuity. I can only imagine how hard her son rolled his eyes when he read that text.
These Parents Have Complaints About Laundry Day
Ah, puberty. There are many ways to address the fact that stiff socks aren't a pleasure to clean, but these parents went the savage route to let their son know that they know what he's been up to when he "just needed some alone time."
Mom is a straight savage
I feel like parenting is a great mix of looking out for your children and being able to chirp them until. The whole idea of "I made you and I can destroy you" rings true in this photo. Kudos to this momma for being straight savage.
Providing Examples Of Why To Wrap It Up
Most of us remember "The Talk" with our parents, which was horrible and uncomfortable. This dad innovated and developed a much more impactful method to really get through to his son. This is a discussion which I'm sure will stick with him for life.
Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Helping Someone Else
If you can't be responsible for yourself, how are you supposed to be responsible for anyone else? Side note: I've never read the term "buffalo body" before, and am also pretty sure I never want to read it again.
Not Mad, Just Disappointed
We're all bound to feel disappointment at some point in life, but sometimes it's hard to express how we feel. This dad goes above and beyond to help his son understand his emotions towards him with excellent execution.
If You're Going To Hide Something, Hide It Well
This dad is ruthless and makes an excellent argument, but I'm currently experiencing the horrible mental image of my parents doing the dirty and need to see my therapist immediately.
Sometimes Stereotypes Are Correct
Have you ever heard the stereotype that middle children are the most neglected in families with odd-numbers of siblings? Well, according to this sassy mom, it is true. Happy Middle Child Day (which is Aug. 12, by the way)!
Don't Do Things You Might Regret In The Future
Fatherly wisdom is a gift in itself. There are so many things you can regret in life: lost opportunities, the one that got away, or the one you got because you didn't use protection.
How To Make Decisions
In life, parents are forced to watch their children grow up and make their own choices, but that doesn't stop this mom from letting her daughter know that she's making the wrong ones.
Just Because You Lived Inside Me For Nine Months Does Not Mean I Have Your Number Saved
I feel like this text message is payback for all of those teenage years where the daughter acted like she didn't know her mother in public. Doesn't feel too good to be on the other side, does it?
Simple Communication Is Good Communication
Transparency and clarity are at the core of good communication. Adding too many words and thoughts can muddle the message. Keep messages concise and to the point to ensure the other party in the conversation knows you got their message and aren't super invested.
When You See The Opportunity, Have Fun With It
Parenting is hard and can be extremely exhausting. It's okay if you need a moment to step back, relax, and have a little fun. If your baby's head looks like a kiwi, you definitely should take advantage of the photo opportunity.
Sometimes It's Too Little, Too Late
This mother realizes parenthood is, unfortunately, a permanent commitment past a certain point and has no problem letting her child know her mistake. Hindsight is 20/20, but a savage screenshots can always be the present.
Owen Was Roasted In Front Of The Whole Neighborhood
Since many students couldn't attend their graduations, some parents celebrated the event with signs to share their children's accomplishments. Noticing the trend, Owen's parents decided to put their own spin on it.
I'm Assuming The Relationship Didn't Last...
When dating someone new, we often worry about saying the wrong thing around them or messing things up on our own. I bet this girl didn't even consider that her mom would be the one to destroy the relationship.
I Mean, It's Not Wrong
Raising a child is expensive: from diapers to Little League, to private tutoring, to toys, children really rack up a lot of costs. It's a good thing we love them.
You Can Always Rely On Fear To Keep Kids In Line
![Me: goodnight kids
Kids: goodnight dad
Me: goodnight monster that eats children who are bad
Wife: [through radio under the bed] GOODNIGHT](https://www.dadpatrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/monster-under-the-bed-23641.jpg?width=480 "monster under the bed")
We've all read the parenting books that tell you to make your kids respect you to follow your rules rather than fear you, blah blah blah—let me just say that my kids have never stayed in their rooms out of respect.
Seems Like Home Schooling Isn't Going So Well...
There's nothing like attempting to home school your kids to remind you that teachers have one hell of a job. Parents only have to manage a few kids at once, while teachers have to corral 25 of them.
Honestly, This Is On The Kid
When he was going away for college, his parents gave him this gift: a collection of all the money they had found in his pockets over the years while doing his laundry.
Will Trade My Child For An Extra Bag Of Pretzels
The only thing worse than being on a flight only to find someone has brought their crying baby on board is to be the parent of said crying baby, who, despite all your efforts, won't calm down.
It's A Pretty Comprehensive List
When their adult child came home to visit them in the middle of quarantine, these parents refused to let them into the house because they weren't on the "guest list."
I Would Be Such A Good Parent Without Kids
You know who kids love the most and consider the greatest parents in the world? The fun aunt or uncle who only has to deal with the kids every once in a while.
Welcome To Parenthood!
When expectant parents ask what parenthood is like, I try to say things that will keep them optimistic about their upcoming role when, in reality, this photo sums it up perfectly.
