Parenting Tweets That Are Funny Even If You Don’t Have Kids
When we are children, we don't realize how hilarious kids are through the lens of adults. It takes a lot of trauma and age to look at a small human and see that humans start out pretty ridiculous. They really are like tiny drunk humans when you think about it. They're hungry, they like to yell, and have absolutely no filter.
Luckily for those of us, there are parents who take to Twitter to share their journeys for the rest of us to enjoy.
Sounds Like A Health Hazard
There are adults in the world who will do this kind of stuff. I suppose those people can make the argument that they're just releasing their inner child... get it? Releasing.
People Always Say Children Are Magical
But they never tell you how. Why don't we harness these powers and use them to do something more productive than putting off bedtime? Like be able to eat more in a day but never gain more weight.
I Don't Blame Them
No one likes wearing pants. It just becomes less and less socially acceptable to take them off the moment you enter a place that isn't entirely private. This is up there with the things I miss most about being a kid.
That Sounds About Right
I understand now why my mom never wanted to take me grocery shopping with her. I can barely find my way around now as an adult, so I can't imagine the mess most of us are as children.
Oh The Drama
Little kids are the most dramatic beings on the planet. It could be because they are still learning how to process emotions, but it could also be because they just like life better that way.
There Is A Lot To Process Here
This is what you get for raising your children in an enriching and educational environment. They use their smarts for evil and sass and since they're technically not wrong, you can't do anything about it.
Its Got To Be Exhausting
Talking sense to children is probably like talking to a brick wall, or trying to train a cat to do anything other than what it wants to do. It's impossible and potentially emotionally violent.
We Were All Kids Once
It can be hard to remember that it was kind of a long time ago that we were young. It's like finding out that your favorite album came out 15 years ago and having to tell yourself there's no way you're that old.
The Decision Has Been Made
Kids are very strange and sometimes super bleak. Like, where do they come up with this stuff? To be fair, some of the older animated Disney movies are DARK. How did we not end up more messed up?
Children Have The Worst Timing
It doesn't matter if it's experiencing existential dread while you're trying to jam or deciding that they need to do a number two after you've bundled them up in their snow gear. They have the worst timing.
It's Good To Encourage Individuality
I feel like there is one kid in every family that was a little 'different', and did things their own way. Was it because they didn't want to conform, or because they got your partner's genes? Who knows.
You Have To Make Peace With Being Shady
From what I've seen, parenting comes down to tricks and lies. Yes, you teach them the importance of morals and being a good person, but when it comes to getting them to go sleep or eat their veggies, it's fair game.
You've Got To Think Outside The Box
Kids don't think like grown ups yet, so sometimes you've got to get to their level to try and fix a situation. Think about preying on their basic fears and needs, you might get somewhere that way.
I Know Adults Like This
The volume of a child's voice comes down to how excited or confident they feel about the subject they're wanting to discuss. As adults, our job is to be as interested in the mumbling as we are the shouting.
This Seems Normal To Me
If you're not thinking of the next thing you're going to eat, while currently eating something, are you even human? One of my favorite things to do is plan out all my meals in a day and then eat twice that amount of food.
Let The Sibling Rivalry Begin
That little girl looks like she's trying to get ready for the years of torment she's going to have under the reign of her big brother. She's putting up a valiant effort, but this is a battle she's going to lose.
Does Anyone Like Lemon Water?
Lemon water is something that adults pretend they like because it seems classy and no one wants to be rude. We need to tap into the part of ourselves that isn't afraid to make a face when we taste something gross.
Those Are Some Impressive Accomplishments
Parents have to accept that at a certain point in their life, their kids are going to think they're the lamest and most uncool people they've ever met in their lives.
This Is Genius
Sometimes kids really surprise us with their wisdom. It's because they haven't reached that point we all get to as an adult where we overthink everything and don't let ourselves be heard anymore.
There Is No Preparing For This
One of the scariest things about being a parent has to be that you're the one who has to get the giant spiders now, or whatever other gross creepy crawler is in your children's space.
Oh, The Innocence Of Youth
Remember when you didn't know anything about the world and it didn't seem like a scary or mean place to live? Yeah, me either. Maybe that's part of the appeal of having kids — you get to live in that realm again.
You Can't Turn Your Back For One Minute
Kids are quick and they're so sneaky and don't understand how to drink or eat things with civility yet. If they're wearing something that can get stained, it will get stained.
Makes Sense
Kids like to keep you on your toes, so it's nice that you think you're planning out your day well, but it probably won't go as planned. You've got to be ready to live life on the edge.
Sometimes Kids Will Surprise You
Because their brains aren't filled with the normal depressing and doubtful adult mentalities, they have a pretty positive outlook on life that we could all do well to listen to. They can be inspiring, so maybe pay attention every now and then to what they're saying.
They Look Good
Kids are like the Loch Ness monster — we know they exist, but it's impossible to get a picture of them where they don't end up looking blurry. We'll just have to settle with what we can get.
This Isn't Wrong
Everywhere kids going, they're going to make a mess. Even if there is nothing to make a mess of, they'll always find a way. At least that is one consistent thing in parenthood we can count on.
Kids Are Kind Of Like Pets
You could tell this exact same story about cats or dogs, only it would be the sound of a cheese wrapper or anything that vaguely sounds like food about to be served.
Be Ready To Embrace Patience
You should also be ready to give up your phone whenever a small child comes at you asking if they can use it to play games. It's going to happen, so best to just prepare for it now.
Kids Are Brutally Honest
They have no filters yet because they aren't worried about how their honesty can actually hurt people's feelings. Kids can also just be jerks because they think it's funny, and most of the time it is.
The End Will Come
Being a parent is an insane, never-ending job, but there will come a time when your kids are older and you'll miss the insanity. At least through all these times there will be lots of love.
