Bad Puns That’ll Make You Die Inside But You’ll Still Use
Puns: they're the jokes that are always the last thing you want to hear in your day and almost never make you laugh. But they've got a strange type of revenge pay-it-forward magic about them that'll have you filing away for future use to make your family, coworkers at the water-cooler, and friends groan.
So take a look at these puns that will make you wish you'd never stepped into the internet today but you'll still say at dinner tonight to annoy your wife. Do it quickly and escape before she orders the take-out.
They Had To Freeze Their Accounts
This is a pun, but honestly, this is something that I should be doing for the sake of my financial health. If it'll stop me from spending then it's a pretty cool idea.
This Kid Couldn't Dodge The Dad Joke
Thank God they didn't have a girl because "Cardaughter" is significantly less conspicuous than Carson. Also thankful they didn't name him after the brand of car because "Jeepson" sounds ridiculous.
This Doctor's Office Was A Funny Joint
This tattoo is a riot until you realize that you're going to have to buy the Doctor+ streaming service to get any medical attention on that knee. Hopefully, they pay to skip the ads too, or that appointment is going to last forever.
We Can't Let This Issue Divide Us
Someone call a mathematician for a little conflict resolution on this issue. And by that, I mean someone get him to work out this problem and show his whole solution for full marks.
Punk May Be Alive, But Rock...
Don't tell the Rolling Stones because they built their whole career and namesake betting that rock wasn't dead. Bet the band Paper Kites is feeling pretty good right now.
A New Kind Of Mac n Cheese
This mac n cheese comes with a side of mechanical parts. Normally, that's not what we're looking for on a restaurant menu, but I'll still MacBook a table and eat there to check it out.
Hope They Caught On
This realization hit this person like... well, a ball to the face. Hopefully, this was the wake-up call they needed to get glasses and to stop standing in baseball fields when they're not playing.
A Helpful Map Of Nice People In France
Nice people, strangely enough, only reside in Nice, France. Everyone else in the entire world is not Nice, and if you move into town you're considered newly Nice. Kudos to those people for changing their ways and their home address.
The Dog Wasn't Feeling Pine
Your dog is looking a little pale, grainy, and in need of another coat. Other than that, I wouldn't stress out too much about them and just plank heavens they're going to make it.
Bet This Guy Always Knows When Meal Times Are
I bet it was time-consuming, it probably felt like this person's second and minute hands were tied to finish it too. As this cake moves through his digestive tract, would you call it time-travel?
These Two Are Big On Playing Air-Guitar
Now, if you saw these two giant metal fans front row at a concert you'd probably be pretty angry, especially if you're stuck behind them. They should move to the back and stop dreaming of playing air guitar in the front row.
The One Ring To Discover Them All
This pun is a wild ride and only for people who know Lord of the Rings. But don't worry, there are plenty of DVDs for you to watch so you don't feel out of your depth. Ocean depth.
Her Lips Are Sealed
Thank God she's not going around spilling our sea-crets anymore. This is a great pun, but I can't help but wonder what the singer Seal would've looked like on here instead... probably terrifying.
A Little Romance Between Neigh-bors
This is probably the most wholesome and hilarious pun here and the reason I'm hoofing it back onto a dating website today. I can't foal myself and others anymore, I want the kind of unconditional love these two have.
There's A Crack In This Sign's Logic
I think it's two words but spreading them apart would only leave a black mark on this sign's good reputation. Or a brown mark really... I'm so sorry for that crappy joke.
He Seratook Them
Well, he's going to feel great whether he wants to or not. This thief is putting the "mine" in dopamine and I wish him the best despite him being a serious pill.
Members Of The Just-Ice League
This cool Batman and Superman sculptures are here to put criminals on ice... that they've provided of course. Something tells me Mr. Freeze wouldn't have been as much of an issue for this version of Batman.
The Husband That Was Using His Noodle
This husband is equal parts hilarious and equal parts not getting his dinner tonight. After seeing this pun his wife probably decided on the spot that he could Fettuch-cine his own dinner. (I'm sorry, that one was funny in my head but it wasn't when I put it to penne and paper).
Lettuce Introduce You
This is a great joke to tell your friends that they probably wouldn't get.. because they've definitely heard of her. The minute someone goes vegan they're standing on the rooftop proclaiming it to the world so obviously we all know.
These Kids Need To Stop Hovering Around Their Uncle
What's worse than a helicopter parent? How about a magician Uncle. At every family function, no matter what he does, the kids always seem to be hovering around him and he's getting tired of it.
This Person's Just Blowing Off Steam
This is a great one to tell until you go into a hot tub store in Japan and ask for their most powerful yakuza. You'll get yourself into hot water all right, but it wouldn't be in the 4-seater with bubbling jets that you wanted.
The Apologetic Invasion
This one is funny because Canada would never invade—they're far too polite for that. They'd line up at TSA to go into the country and be stuck there for eternity because they'd keep letting others go ahead of them in line.
I Plywoodn't Hit This Car
I'm board looking at this but I'm sure that babies and their parents wouldn't be. This person is starting a bumper sticker war, and honestly, I'd woodn't mind watching that drama ply out.
This Cool Art
It was made out of snow too, but kudos to this person for trying. There's not always a bat-signal in the sky to alert you when you're making a bad pun, so sometimes you just have to be cool and follow through.
I Don't Know, But Someone Else Seed It
Minneapolis is where the 1.7-ounce cans of Dr. Pepper are...that's right...it's in Minnesota. Mini soda. Do you get it? I'll just give myself a round of applause and leave now.
The QWERTY SNAFU
The situation is under control, but just barely. If a strong gust of wind comes along into this office then this situation is going SNAFU and there's nothing anyone can do to get back that paper-thin control they once had.
A Real Tool Made This Sign
Thankfully, we're not living in those days anymore. Though, now our problems are a little different. The crowbars are staying so long that they're becoming barflies and are getting estranged from their families.
We Bean-long Together
If this isn't a sign that we all need to join hands and work together in peace then I don't know what is. That, or it's a sign you cook some beans and rice for dinner.
He's Not Trying To Gas Up Our Sun Too Much
Even though it's got one star, it's recommended by 8/8 planets. It used to be 9/9 but it turns out Pluto didn't have big enough stones to stick with the rating.
The Joke For You If You Want To Step Up Your "7, 8, 9" Jokes
While 69 was watching the brawl between 70 and 71 and absolutely losing its mind over how good 71 is at sparring, 78 and watched. It just wasn't feeling like getting involved in that dispute.
